[MYuncle]

Six weeks ago my Uncle Tim met Jesus face to face. He for the first time stood in the presence of our holy Savior, sin free, PAIN FREE and CANCER FREE, and worshipped Him perfectly. Just as death swooped in, waiting while the cancer took over his body for days leading up until that moment, just as it came in with an "ah ha" - Christ had the final word and said "i don't think so" and took him from the grasp of death into the beauty of eternity with Himself. Yes, my Jesus conquered the grave.

My Uncle was a great man, and has left a cavernous hole in many lives. There are moments still where I don't think I can remember how to breathe because I miss him so much....his voice, his laugh, his wisdom & instruction, his hugs. He gave me the only fatherly love i've ever known. I yearn to be held in his arms and hear him say "it's going to be okay baby, i love you". I love feeling safe, and he made me feel safe. Even as I try and type those words, the tears come. I can't believe he's gone sometimes. It will be a long process. But my family is my heart... some of the older grandkids vacationed together in early August - it was the time that most started me back on track and I am so thankful!

Our service was beautiful...from what I remember. There were almost 500 people there, it was so overwhelming... thank you to those who came! We pray that people come to Christ through not only his life, but his death. That God's glory be ultimately displayed. Yes there were tears... to those on either side of me with soaking wet shoulders/ sleeves during the service (yeah, sorry J & R) they remember. His wife & children need MUCH prayer - his parents - his siblings - our whole family has been rocked by this. And more has come. I would love to tell you all more about the service but again, I'll leave that to personal conversations I get to have with you all.

My Uncle's passing has changed our family. I am not the same person...and that is OK. I have gotten my laughter back, and my smile... but tears are a close friend as well now. And I'm so different inside... and learning what it all means. I'm seeking wisdom from older, wiser believers. And even Pastor Mike spoke on this on Sunday (8-26) - death changes you. It changes what you value, it brings new awareness of what matters, and strong determination (if you let it) to make a difference. I saw the things that mattered as my uncle passed into eternity... not just that he was a nice person - but that he stood out from the crowd. THAT is what people remember... that he was DIFFERENT. That he preached Jesus. And you see, you really realize what makes a legacy when you watch someone you love leave theirs. My mom and I have had such wonderful talks throughout this journey...she rocks.

People kept telling me at our service - 'you have his eyes', 'you have his laugh', 'you have his smile'.... but the words i cherished were 'you have his heart '. A heart for God is what he taught me...and although this road is hard, and long, and lonely at times, it is one I will never give up on. I have a God that loves me though I do not deserve it, I am a terrible sinner deserving of God's wrath... yet He gives me abundant grace. And although I do not understand His will... and I do fight with Him still (i can still use your prayers - it is so hard) I call out for grace and He is faithful. Faithful to show me His road, and although it means changes will follow - it is what my Uncle would tell me to do.

It was such a long 10 months. It is still so surreal to think where I was last august, and look at this one. My mind can't handle all the changes. So much came...so fast. But thank you to those of you who supported and encouraged me. THANK YOU for the flowers, cards and calls through these past 8 weeks... my house looked like a florist and as hard as it was to know the reason it did... i felt loved. Thank you for the distractions - dinners, dancing :), bbq's, the kind words, the patience! And we can still use your prayers. The holidays will be painful. For me - worship is my deep place of intimacy with the Lord and I have yet to make it through a service without weeping because now... as I sing out to my Savior I sing knowing my Uncle, this man I love so deeply, is there in the presence of the One I worship...worshipping with me. It takes me to my knees.

If you've made it this far.... I have a way I want to thank you... a very different way but none the less - I want you to listen to a clip from a sermon... (click 'a clip' to go to the page it's on) it is my thank you because I pray for each of you that it is a moment where you are freshly amazed... and that is the greatest gift that there is. I listened to this with my best friend as we painted and we were both rocked by it. Please go listen... it's intense, but give it 6 minutes, you'll want to hear the rest...it's not very long as it's just a portion of the sermon.

So it is a whole new world and believe it or not, this is such a small piece of what's going on... the details of our service, the memories made in the final stages of my uncle's cancer, the changes God is calling me to... I'd love to share more when I see ya'll but won't go there unless you want to ;) Thank you to those of you who, when i do see you, ask how i am doing that day - or what God is teaching me - or those who want to hear more about Uncle Tim, for i love talking about him.

Run HARD after God. LOVE Him with your whole heart. He will never let go

[Family]

There is something about my family. When I am hurting... I want my family. When I am scared... I want my family. When I am confused, upset, lonely... I want my family. When I just want to laugh, be myself and not worry about a thing... I go to my family. When I want to see a good ole game of toss ... played with a small child... it's family!! (lol) I have had good friends throughout the years and I am thankful for them. But it's not quite the same. They haven't known me as long, and I haven't invested in those relationships in the same way. Not to be mean... but there is just something about family and the comfort it brings. My best friend has become family and I am so thankful for that. He is there along with all my cousins, my mom, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc and spending time in any of these places is where my heart is at home. Thank you Jesus for family.

And right now. I just want family.

[Tonight]

I spent the last few hours of my life, recalling many hours of this man's life who has left a legacy of love, service and sacrifice. I mulled over the moments in his life that changed mine. I searched for any picture of could find of this man, my Uncle Tim. He is going on 7 months with his fight with cancer. I hate cancer, I know I shouldn't, but right now I can't help it. This awful disease is taking someone I love deeply, and hurting him greatly. So therefore tonight I hate cancer.

[SomeDays]

Some days it's just too much. Some days it feels like a bad dream. Every day I wish so hard I could wake up and have it all be gone. Some days I stand forgetting how to wash my hair. Sometimes it hits like a ton of bricks. Everyday I live with the reality. Some days it's a glance at a photo or the reacalling of a sweet memory that takes me back to a time that seems so far away. Some days I desire things so much I feel as if my skin is the only thing keeping me from going everywhere all at once. Some days I look at my phone 100 times... just incase. Everyday I am broken at the cross. Some days drag on, some fly by.
The moments that take my breath away come far too far apart, the tears come too often. But each day I start again, and there are no do-overs. Make every moment count. Don't say tomorrow when it's today. Do what you know you need to do, cause no one else can do it for you. Walk away, step out, fight back, step up, grow, change, progress in sanctification. Because some day, every day could be changed forever.

[Fly]

"Someone told me, love will save us.
But how can that be, look what love gave us."

Nose pressed against the window
I watch a world i once knew
And longing fills my heart
It still seems like where I belong
Where I was made to be
But as I look I see
they've changed
Faces so familiar
Yet people I barely now know
Then again I'm not the same either
But it's because of them
My fears came true
Yet somehow I still remember
and I miss what I once knew
I can see it in my head
And feel it on my skin
I wonder where it went
What went so wrong
Deep inside I don't want to go back
But I want to start over
With the places I still love
New understanding gained
A perhaps wisdom learned

Somewhere inside I wish
I didn't even miss it
I didn't miss them
How much easier it would be
But I do
I do


"I'm not going to stand here and wait"
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles.
Watch as we all fly away."

[JugglerRetired]

[LIFE]

Beginning 6 months ago I began to receive God appointed trials into my life
As time went on more and more came, more and more to balance
So like balls in a jugglers hands I began to juggle these circumstances
The more that came the more I juggled. Not turning my face from it...
but not seeing i was not dealing with it either.

Until that day- that day I realized the number of balls in my possession
and the amount of juggling I was doing.
Dear loved ones (not all but some) had stood by me through these months
As each "ball" came they encouraged me to hold on, stay strong.
So I juggled, feeling "good" about "handling" it all, but not moving forward.
And yet, that day that came, made me realize... i didn't want to juggle anymore
Reality and I needed to become acquainted and I cringed at the thought.

But reality came.... ready or not.
When I stopped juggling, the balls came tumbling down
Many knocking me right upside the head
I sat stunned in the reality of it all, reality I had so blindly, but innocently, not seen.
It took time but I came out from the haze... and took each ball...
Looked at it squarely, accepting the pain & grief it brought
then giving it to God

"Sweetly Broken, Holy Surrender"

One by one I went thru these balls so that if and as more come
I could give them more immediately to the One who had allowed them.
This process continues on, and pain has flooded...but peace
sweet peace has accompanied that pain.

"Salvation is here and He lives in me, it's going to be alright"

To be numb and not at peace.... or in pain but at peace
The decision is no longer a hard one for me.
The road continues on and I do not dare to imagine this is the end.
But i do believe i now see much of what God wanted to show me
teach me, grow in me and change in me.
I hope and believe I will be a more healthy friend and ambassador...
for those God allows me to keep (hope) and those who will come.
And I continue to pray with that hope in many areas
But a juggler I do dare hope to never be again.

Lloyd Douglas said: "The good news? ...(tapping a tuning fork) "THAT is middle C! It was middle C yesterday and it will be middle C tomorrow; it will be middle C a thousand years from now. The tenor upstairs sings flat. The piano across the hall is out of tune, but, my friend, that IS middle C". We all need a middle C and my Savior is mine. 6 months ago and in 6 months... He stays the same. I wept today begging Him to help me feel His consistent hand in the midst of whirling inconsistent life. He's loving me, forgiving me, and holding my hand when all others let go. Perhaps He will restore the time "the locusts have eaten"! But regardless...He is my middle C.

And today, as I watch the tragic events at VT, sitting here shocked and heart broken we must remember He is the middle C. I pray those students cling to, or find God through the sorrows of this day. Jesus.... be their middle C.

[Seriously?]

"I don't know how to say, just how I feel.

I don't know where, confused about how as well.

All that I am, all that I ever was is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see.

If I lay here, if I just lay here will you lay with me and just forget the world?

I need your grace to remind me to find my own.

If I lay here, if I just lay here will you lay with me and just forget the world?"

2006 went out with a bang as my Grandmother ended up in the hospital with what we thought was a silent heart-attack the end of December and she ended up having serious surgery one week later. There I sat again at the hospital, I was growing hate, once again waiting... this time to see if my Nana would make it thru her surgery. Thankfully we were in a different waiting room this time... strange as it may sound i just DIDN'T want to be in that awful waiting room i'd lived in for so many days when my Uncle was diagnosed with cancer. Walking thru the lobby (where that waiting room is) I still could/can see our family huddled there as the Doctor said those words... it's cancer .... and I don't like that room. I was so exited to tell my friend when he called me while i was waiting during my nana's surgery that we were in a different waiting room! Such a small thing, but it was huge to me. The hospital heals people yes, and it is helping my uncle but I still associate it with such bad news. So again my family was there, only this time my amazing uncle sat there with us, his little bald head and huge sense of humor. He curled up and slept as we waited... and God called us to another level of trust...

The day was hard... i was the one who waited with my grandparents before the surgery... watching my grandfather kiss my grandmother over and over. Sitting holding her hand as she laid in bed and we waited in the pre-op room. My cousin coming in with yet another family member he was able to take care of there at the hospital (God's sovereign plan!). Then watching my grandfather say goodbye as they wheeled her off, and he walked out crying with me as we heading to the waiting room where our family was. I was an emotional mess... i was witnessing a LOVE that I dream of having one day... a goal I WILL have in my marriage... and at the same time my heart was tearing in two as I watched them struggle thru the road God had called them (us all) to. But oh how I love my family... there are really no words to express it... or this day in my life... but on we trucked on... and my Nana came through 4 hours later... we breathed again.

Okay, now hold on... as we sat that day in the waiting room there was a great topic of conversation amung my family.... see there had been more news that previous week...only this time it was my news. In the middle of this all... I was laid off my job of 8 years. I went in for what I thought was my annual review and instead... lost my job. It wasn't for "performance or b/c of me"... "just money issues"... yeah that helped me not hurt! Having this occur was simply surreal in the middle of cancer and my nana's health issues. Now my job... "seriously, seriously???" I felt like yelling. I had 4 weeks vacations, 3 weeks sick time... security that if my family needed me I could go. My job was flexible and not to mention... I LOVE IT. I didn't have the emotional energy to start looking for a job. I felt scared, alone, abandoned and hurt. I struggled with God on His timing, but I knew it was HIS timing. I worked through emotions with a friend in the week that followed... fear, failure, etc... he listened and talked thru it with me. Others just distracted me and I was thankful for it... but as you'll read in the following posts I had to come to some hard realities in the months that followed. January was just a blur for me though... on going cancer updates, my nana... then my job. My friend said i should write a book "bad news comes in sets of three... my life is proof". I laughed... it was so true. Three big blows....

But what did i do when it was news #4 - my uncle tim went in the hospital while I was in TX, it was not good.... or #5 - my grandfather decided to take his residency up next in that "home away from home" (the hospital) while I was in TX - more heart issues. So there was my mom, another uncle, my nana & aunt going from one wing where my uncle tim was, to the other where my papa was... and i'm in TX. There were phones calls to us that they weren't sure my uncle would make it through this one and I was terrified I wouldn't be there to say goodbye. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

Thankfully I was with my cousin who I love so dearly... he was back from Iraq and I was so thankful to be with him during this time. They almost called me home but he made it through the necessary surgeries as did my papa and we breathed again. I got stuck in TX b/c of a snow storm back home and honestly.... the time away.... felt amazing. Everything in my family happens within 20 minutes of my home... so each time the phone rings - i go, and I was tired. For some family members they are far away and although they ache and are scared they aren't "in the middle" of it... it's exhausting. So for just one time, I was away and couldn't "do anything" during hits #4 & #5... and once the scare was over i was able to enjoy my time being stuck in TX. I "went home breathing easier then when I got to TX" as my cousin said... I love him.

#6 came soon after.... a blow from a friend... as did more after that. Temp jobs came... the family moved on... but something wasn't right, besides the obvious....

(Next post: JugglerRetired)

[HeartSong]

To weep over Christ is such an amazing moment. Pain filled, and it can leave you breathless as you look to the road ahead staring at you. It's scary and overwhelming but Peace meets you there, and Grace embraces your heart at the crossroad where you choose the road, and not the sandcastles. To desire to be more like Christ in such a deep way it makes you cry... this is brokenness...this is the foot of the cross.... this is a sweet, and painful place. You realize how far you have to go, you let out the deep wounds and aches in your heart before the One who wants to hear, who stays to listen. Walk with me to the crossroads....

Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes
to climb out of this boat I'm in onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

OH what I wouldn't give!!! Yes, there are many things I want SO badly they make my heart ache deeply... love does that. But as I sat in this moment I truly wept through the words of this song... desiring more than anything else to have "that faith"... to "step out"... to take "His hand". I know that this is where it all begins. As I look at the tragedy in my life, the devastation of that which I love... as I embrace another blow to my already shattered heart today I cry to Him that I want "THAT FAITH" to move on in spite of "this and that". BUT I have to get out on those waves... and I know I can't do it! But oh isn't it like our enemy to take that moment and whisper to us...

BUT the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times i've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again.
"you can never win!"

My friend told me a few years ago that he thinks I'm like Peter. I jump out of the boat onto the waves, and then I look down. He knows me well. For I do this very thing. And as the words of this song poured from my speakers, the lies of satan poured as he sat in wait to devour this moment of recognition. That sweet moment where I cried out to Jesus and said I want to climb out of the boat!! And the waves started taunting me, telling me don't try. But I knew this wasn't the truth, I cried out for God...

The VOICE OF TRUTH tells me a different story tells me a different story
The VOICE of TRUTH tells me do not be afraid,
And the VOICE OF TRUTH this is for My glory!!
Out of ALL the voices calling out to me
I will CHOOSE to listen to the Voice of TRUTH

A choice laid before me... whose voice did I embrace? I look at the waves, and the pain is an ocean tossing me around and around. I'm so tired. But I hear His voice calling out and saying - "you're right...you can't My love, but I can... and I will... won't you join Me?"

Oh what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes
to stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

And I want "that strength" to say YES. To be in this moment surrounded by what seems to be circumstances that could be my demise. Many warriors do not fight. They give up in despair. Or they turn and run in fear to anything that will distract them. The become prisoners of the war. And I stand making my choice but the giant taunts me.

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again. "you can never win!"

Reminders of all that is occurring flood my heart and pain whelms me like a flood... it takes my breath and I "stand" but I am shaking... staring at the sling in hand saying I can't Lord, I can't do this. Don't you see how big this Giant is?? God there is cancer in one I love deeply, I lost my job- i miss my job, I've been abandoned and misunderstood, love is not returned to me as I give, I long for friendship, I hurt over the places of those I love and I LONG Lord for you to restore and bring repentance, my family God is hurting... this giant --- he is BIG. Don't you see I'm going to get into this war and I'm going to get hurt?

But the VOICE OF TRUTH tells me a different story tells me a different story
The VOICE of TRUTH tells me do not be afraid,
And the VOICE OF TRUTH this is for My glory!!
Out of ALL the voices calling out to me
I will CHOOSE to listen to the Voice of TRUTH

No I didn't see this one coming. Suddenly it snuck up on me. But I have a choice. He asks me to vindicate my faith by works - trust & hope - and just getting up out of this chair and taking the next step in my day. Refusing the voices that tell me to give up and despair, to lay down and die. And CLINGING to the Voice that says it's for His glory... picking up the stone and taking the shot. Because He is BIGGER

But the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them lookin' down

There will be more giants. The battle is won, but the war is not over. Circumstances didn't change in that moment: I can't cure cancer, convince anyone of my true heart, or win those back whom I love by any new perfected words. But...

I will soar with the wings of eagles
WHEN I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

[DanceDance]

After the crazy super bowl party it was great to just get out with friends and laugh. I love these people so much and they were great with me all night, we even were able to laugh about so much that's happened - that's friendship! At end of the evening we went dancing for a friend's BD... super crazy place... line dancing on one side and groove dancing on the other side of this wall...outdoor beach bar (tho it was WAY too cold for it tonight). Quite a night! ;)

Hey hey!

Bust a move there Jrod! ;)

I love her.

Michele, Jrod and Val...hilarious...

He scared me...just a little ;) But hey, we got him dancing! ;)

[Superbowl 07]

Today we threw a super bowl party. It got a lot bigger than expected (eek) but was fun - for the most part. 

Amanda came home early from overseas. She's been here for a week but only I knew and had seen her ;) We decided to surprise everyone at the party. She knocked on the door and Jrod was quite confused...and we got M too :)

Surprise! :)

Girlies...

It was Anthony's birthday too!

Superbowl friends!

It was a great day, minus someone showing up - uninvited - who has deeply hurt me, and lied about me every chance she got. I was shocked beyond words when they showed up. It's not that I can't make something work, and have before, but this was my party and a safe place for me and it was beyond rude to bring someone known to be an unkind person. Althou she lies about everything she's done too, and is quite good at "putting on a good act". It puts me in such a hard position when someone seems so nice, but behind everyone's back has been so hurtful to me.

I have only told a few close friends what happened b/c know matter what someone does to me, I won't run around gossiping - even if it's true. So it was so hard to watch my friends chatting it up with them, while all the things said & done flashed through my mind and I was speechless. It just felt so awkward to me, I wanted to run through the room screaming. So many awful pictures flashing through my head. I just had to ask God why He allowed it... but I really think it's opening my eyes to something going on. I've feared it, although it's been denied time and again, but not even doing something in the name of "reaching out" defended this decision today. It's been such a long few months and it wasn't the time or place to do this to me. Besides, and apology would fix so much - but then again - there'd have to be admittance to what's happened the last year and I'm not holding my breath for that. I think it's time for me to make some changes...more changes. Wow.

Well, that made it all seem terrible and it wasn't... up until halftime it was wonderful (lol) and my girlfriends took me upstairs to pray when that person showed up which so helped me focus back on God. 

[Richmond]

A weekend in Richmond :)

Cutie pie.

This picture cracked me up. He was quite comfortable ;)

Short sheeting the kids beds before we left...the phone call that night was totally worth it!

Uncle Tim came to church at Uncle Rich's. It was a sweet, and sad time. But little Ben running up and hugging him is a memory I'll never forget.

[Beginning]

(in the hospital...again)

"Slowly walking through the crowds.

Staring at a lonely tear that’s hit the ground.

I can not move I can not speak.

I can’t hold the phone cause my hands are weak.

When I’m lost in darkness will you find me.

I can’t float or swim to shore, will you save me. "

I look at my last entry in October... October 19th... little did I know my life would change forever the next day, and continue changing in every possible way in the months to come.

October 20th 2006 ... A day I thought I would simply be hanging with my family that had moved to NC... lunch, seeing my aunt & uncle, catching up with the boys... turned into the day that would change my family's lives forever. That night I found myself instead laying on my cousin's deck with my phone next to me as I sobbed - hiding from the boys I had been watching while my aunt took my uncle last minute to the doctor..... and then emergency room. I'd just heard the words "Uncle Tim has a brain tumor". As I type, I remember it like it was yesterday. My Aunt needed to be the one to share this with her children we agreed so I had to hide from the boys so I could pull myself together and get them to the hospital where their older sister & brother where already there. The next 3 hours of my life were a blur. I had to call my mom and tell her. I called my friends crying, asking them to help me get it together... I had to be strong until I could get they boys to the hospital. Dinner... driving to the hospital... stopping for slurpees on the way. I remember Jeremy looking at me as we climbed into my car, just staring into my eyes. He knew... I knew he knew... but he just said "let's go". His 10 year old brother was in my backseat... his little world about to change forever. Jeremy has my heart... he has for almost 16 years... he saw what many others would have never seen... pain in my eyes though I gave no signs of distress. We drove to the hospital and my Aunt met me at the door... I walked in the hospital hearing Gabe go "mommy, what's wrong?!?" and he just stared at me as I walked away.

I got inside.

And I wept.

The older kids joined my aunt outside with their little brothers and I could see them all as they huddled together and cried. I ached. The man who lay in that hospital was the man who'd stepped in and filled the role of father in my life in many ways. His children had been like my siblings. I love them all so dearly. So I waited till I could see him. As I walked the stark, cold hallway to his room I felt like I was in a dream. I turned the corner trying so hard not to freak out but I fell on him as he lay there sobbing. What was happening???? A question that would haunt me for the following 5 months. October 21st they announced he'd need brain surgery. The tumor was in his personality and mobility...again we cried. October 22nd he had his surgery. In the hospital his oldest son works as he prepares for med school. We gathered and waited. The doctor came out.


Cancer


That word just echoed. Cancer. His personality was saved. We did not know about his mobility. My Aunt... I will never forget watching her face as she was told. The children... the looks on their faces. T-bo, a med student, knew the implications. His daughter... daddy's little girl... sobbing. Two young men, trying to understand. The rest of my family sitting and watching. What was happening? The days that followed were a blur. I stayed with the kids so I could drive them to and from the hospital each day. T-bo began to take charge of the medical plan for his father. My Aunt stayed by her husbands side.... we just tried to keep getting up and moving. Each day... more procedures... more cancer.... body scans... more cancer. I remember talking to my friends. I can hear one saying "OH geez" in my head now... I kept calling, crying, weeping, sharing more news. I didn't know what to do. I held Kristen in the hospital one afternoon telling her God was in control. He had her daddy in His hand. And as I sat with her my own heart silently wailed...
God, You see us right??????

I talked to Jeremy one night at home. My heart. We had conversations about the cancer. His dad, his hero. We talked about Jeremy. Each of us was pitching in... T-bo with the medical arrangements, Kristen taking care of her mom & trying to keep up with college, and Jeremy.... he didn't know what he could do... but he was our laughter. He reminded us what our family was all about. We love... we laugh... we live. He reminded us to keep doing that by just being himself... so I reminded him late one night over a big gallon of ice cream that he was doing that.... his role, it was vital. He was my laughter when I didn't think I could take one more step. He was this families laughter. He just smiled.... "yeah, I can do that" he told me. I sighed... I'll never forget that moment. I felt helpless. Watching my Uncle & Aunt, their children. But in that moment what Jeremy didn't know... he walked away feeling like he had a role in it all, but so did I.

In the weeks that followed my Uncle came home and I went back to my home. For him - Chemo... scans... 2nd opinions... it rushed on. And during all this there was T-bo... there are not enough words for his role in this, he was stoic. There were times he'd let down. I'd see him take this huge breath and he'd look at me with those eyes that said "I'm so tired, how am I going to do this?". And 5 months later... 3 weeks before he turns 23... he is still doing it.

This is how the journey began....