Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
[Party]
Jimha's welcome back party. What a party! Chris came too :)
Not the greatest of pictures but I still love them - my family!! (and just a few of us!)
He looks confused - haha
Me and Rach showing how it's done!
The girls :)
The evening certainly was interesting. We went back and crashed at Jrod's that night and Jimha and I ended up walking around outside in the middle of the night as he started processing Iraq. Watching him go through those emotions, pacing up and down, so emotional, was heart wrenching. I'm so thankful I could be there, but my heart hurt so much for what he's been through - there truly are no words and I know that was just .005% of it. I'm so proud of him, but I so hope he doesn't have to go back there. And tonight, he's home and with us...and that's all that matters to me.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
[He'sHOME!]
He's home, he's home, he's home. And I am such a happy girl.
Me and (the cuz) Rach
Me and Jimha's girlfriend Christina :)
I LOVE dancing...we were such goofs out there ;)
The girls!!!
"go this way"
Me and M (Jrod & M came for a bit!)
Me and Jimha!! SO glad he's home.
Jrod and M - not much of the line dancing type! ;) But they did try earlier!
Monday, December 25, 2006
[Christmas06]
Our family Christmas. It's been a long few months, there aren't even words to describe it. But for today, we're together, Uncle Tim is here, and it's Christmas.
3 Generations of Ryan ladies :)
Me and Gabey...I adore him.
Me and brudder. :)
Me and my rock start grandparents!
Family dinner.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
[Chicago]
A much needed trip to Chicago. After a really long few weeks, getting away and spending the weekend with Chris was perfect timing. We did LOTS of site seeing!! We went to see Wicked!! I had authentic Chicago pizza (NO comparison!) and got to see alllll the stores :)
Me and Chris!
BEST pizza!!
We went down to the pier!
And up to the Sears tower! LONG wait but so worth it!
The view! :)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
[Sketchwork]
He's the Master artist, with brush strokes purposeful and passionate He creates
The picture unfolds through the years, day upon day it moves on as He adds to it
But sometimes, we allow others to color our story.
Like children they scribble across the masterpiece
Without care they throw their marks across our page,
Without understanding they see their strokes as adding "interest" to the work
"Ruined!" some yell, and shame we now feel.
"Never the same" another cries. So we go on, what use is it.
The strokes now streak our page, dark and forceful against the sketch that was in progress
"Yes, it can never again be" we say. "I can never go back, it'll just never be the same."
But gently He whispers, I'm still working. Quietly He reminds, I AM the great RESTORER
Though the marks, now, stand out stark against His gentle work He asks us...
"Let me re-create the work I began.
But I'm going to need to take away these crayons that lie here.
I promise you, I can, and I will, make all things new. Watch Me. Trust Me. I AM at still at work"
He brushes away the dirt and grime that's covered His masterpiece
Yet He doesn't throw away the page, He doesn't start over or even begin to erase anything
He sets aside the crayons that sought to drown out the picture in progress
And picks up instruments of redemption to put into work
His heart was not to see these marks made, and He wishes no others to be laid down
Then He goes to work. Continuing His masterpiece with the same passion as before
"But these dark lines" we cry,
"It can never be the same...that was then, look what has been done"
With the same loving hand He sketches all the more. The story is still going.
I make all things new.
Taking those dark lines and bold marks and works them into His picture
As we watch with amazement the masterpiece again takes form.
The same picture that was started, begins to shine through once again.
Only now, the marks that had been left were being worked into that very picture.
He incorporated them in as if they had use in His grand design.
The marks still stand bold, but now a part of the great story, still unfolding
In fact those very marks are what draw others to take a closer look at the work
"They are much darker then the other strokes, yet still it seems, they are a part of the picture"
What happened here? What caused this picture to turn out so?" They ask
"Ah yes, those"......... and you pause....... you remember when those marks were made
And then you remember His gentle hand as He restored the work, and here it stands
You smile and say, let me tell you about those marks, let me tell you where I've been
But most importantly..... let me tell you were I'm going. I'm following the Master
Master Artist. Master Restorer. Of Souls.
"I will RESTORE to you the years that the locust has eaten" Joel 2
The picture unfolds through the years, day upon day it moves on as He adds to it
But sometimes, we allow others to color our story.
Like children they scribble across the masterpiece
Without care they throw their marks across our page,
Without understanding they see their strokes as adding "interest" to the work
"Ruined!" some yell, and shame we now feel.
"Never the same" another cries. So we go on, what use is it.
The strokes now streak our page, dark and forceful against the sketch that was in progress
"Yes, it can never again be" we say. "I can never go back, it'll just never be the same."
But gently He whispers, I'm still working. Quietly He reminds, I AM the great RESTORER
Though the marks, now, stand out stark against His gentle work He asks us...
"Let me re-create the work I began.
But I'm going to need to take away these crayons that lie here.
I promise you, I can, and I will, make all things new. Watch Me. Trust Me. I AM at still at work"
He brushes away the dirt and grime that's covered His masterpiece
Yet He doesn't throw away the page, He doesn't start over or even begin to erase anything
He sets aside the crayons that sought to drown out the picture in progress
And picks up instruments of redemption to put into work
His heart was not to see these marks made, and He wishes no others to be laid down
Then He goes to work. Continuing His masterpiece with the same passion as before
"But these dark lines" we cry,
"It can never be the same...that was then, look what has been done"
With the same loving hand He sketches all the more. The story is still going.
I make all things new.
Taking those dark lines and bold marks and works them into His picture
As we watch with amazement the masterpiece again takes form.
The same picture that was started, begins to shine through once again.
Only now, the marks that had been left were being worked into that very picture.
He incorporated them in as if they had use in His grand design.
The marks still stand bold, but now a part of the great story, still unfolding
In fact those very marks are what draw others to take a closer look at the work
"They are much darker then the other strokes, yet still it seems, they are a part of the picture"
What happened here? What caused this picture to turn out so?" They ask
"Ah yes, those"......... and you pause....... you remember when those marks were made
And then you remember His gentle hand as He restored the work, and here it stands
You smile and say, let me tell you about those marks, let me tell you where I've been
But most importantly..... let me tell you were I'm going. I'm following the Master
Master Artist. Master Restorer. Of Souls.
"I will RESTORE to you the years that the locust has eaten" Joel 2
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
[DesiringGod06]
I went away with some dear friends to a conference in MN this past weekend.... and it was an a-mazing time! I knew it was going to be incredible during this moment early in the first session where the band started the first song and all of a sudden over 3500 voices filled the room in worship of the King!! Yeah, tears rolled.... and the weekend was off. I found myself in that same moment missing a friend so deeply I wept, not just b/c they weren't there with us, but b/c they weren't even able to enter into that moment had they been there. This broke my heart but I gave them to God, and the rest of my time there... both I hope God will use for His glory!
We learned about Sovereignty in the Postmodern world and I highly recommend listening to the messages online! They are so deep and rich and full of truth. I will share more on all I learned but want to recommend the messages here before I forget...
We learned about Sovereignty in the Postmodern world and I highly recommend listening to the messages online! They are so deep and rich and full of truth. I will share more on all I learned but want to recommend the messages here before I forget...
Monday, October 09, 2006
[DG06]
Saturday, September 09, 2006
[Beach06]
Yes, another trip!! But don't you worry, this isn't the last. But this one was quite different. It was just me and my mom....which I love...but I didn't get to go away with all my friends like I did last year so it's kinda sad too. Last year we all traveled to the beach and although I think we learned a lot about how to make it more fun, and better the next time, no one gave it that chance. We've done lots of little adventures in smaller crowds...some of us in crowds they don't belong at all which makes it hard, and jealousy/frustration come to the surface...but nothing alllll together.
So as I went away it was sweet to get away with my mom but I missed my friends. I guess I was running away too. Things are SO different this year, people are more distance, some off the radar to many all together. We're all spread out and it was my birthday week. The greatest gift I would have wanted was time with my friends, but I was too scared to stick around and find out if that would happen or not...I was afraid to see people not make time for me, and compare myself to other things they make time for, and get crushed. So I ran away.
But if you're gonna run....what better place to run to then the beach. I even had a nice surprise and two friends came to see me on Monday!! (yet, if i can confess....they remind me of something i don't have so it's bitter sweet....i'm SO glad they came but there was this missing piece to it all that tore at me). I had a blast with them...we laughed and talked, went out to dinner and took lots of pictures! The rest of the week I spent just relaxing with my mom...reading and thinking. There is something amazing about the beach...God speaks to me so much there. His power and mystery ever present to me as I look at the ocean and it's crashing waves. His great design as I look across the beach and how the water only comes so far. The sun beating down on me is one of my favorites...i'm always cold so i love the feeling of the heat on my skin. It's a wonderful experience for me and I'm so glad I got away again.
Our trip started out visiting my uncle's church which was amazing....having lunch with his family, then traveling to my other uncles to stay the night on the way to the beach. I love my family soooo much. I just wish I had someone to share my amazing family with...
So as I went away it was sweet to get away with my mom but I missed my friends. I guess I was running away too. Things are SO different this year, people are more distance, some off the radar to many all together. We're all spread out and it was my birthday week. The greatest gift I would have wanted was time with my friends, but I was too scared to stick around and find out if that would happen or not...I was afraid to see people not make time for me, and compare myself to other things they make time for, and get crushed. So I ran away.
But if you're gonna run....what better place to run to then the beach. I even had a nice surprise and two friends came to see me on Monday!! (yet, if i can confess....they remind me of something i don't have so it's bitter sweet....i'm SO glad they came but there was this missing piece to it all that tore at me). I had a blast with them...we laughed and talked, went out to dinner and took lots of pictures! The rest of the week I spent just relaxing with my mom...reading and thinking. There is something amazing about the beach...God speaks to me so much there. His power and mystery ever present to me as I look at the ocean and it's crashing waves. His great design as I look across the beach and how the water only comes so far. The sun beating down on me is one of my favorites...i'm always cold so i love the feeling of the heat on my skin. It's a wonderful experience for me and I'm so glad I got away again.
Our trip started out visiting my uncle's church which was amazing....having lunch with his family, then traveling to my other uncles to stay the night on the way to the beach. I love my family soooo much. I just wish I had someone to share my amazing family with...
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Monday, August 14, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
[Friend?]
"Tell me everything you need now, anything at all
And I will be the one who's waiting anytime you fall
You know I can't be like everybody cause I can't tell you what you want to hear
I don't know if I can make it better, all I know is I will be around"
Friend (n.)
-A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
-A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
-One who supports, sympathizes with
-A person you know well and regard with affection and trust;
And I will be the one who's waiting anytime you fall
You know I can't be like everybody cause I can't tell you what you want to hear
I don't know if I can make it better, all I know is I will be around"
Friend (n.)
-A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
-A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
-One who supports, sympathizes with
-A person you know well and regard with affection and trust;
So why do we use the term so lightly? And why don't we live up to the definition with those we truly desire "friendship" with? To "know" someone requires asking how they are, listening, caring and remembering what they said. To be "allied" with someone is to be of like heart and purpose. To have friends who spur us on to be the person we were created to be...those should be our allies. Supporting, sympathizing, regarding with affection and most of all trust. Who do we have in our circles of trust...what have they done to earn that trust? Should they be there? Do we live in a way that causes others to trust us? Want our sympathy and support?
Hmmm. I hear so many say "my friend" and can't help but think something sounds wrong.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
[HeartStorm]
He left her there
With a pocket full of lies
And a handful
Of broken dreams
Abandoned and scared
The memories linger on
And the next came
With promises so true
They held on for a time
But faded on the wings of the last
She wiped her tears
And walked on
But history repeated itself
In ways never foreseen
She grew weary and tired
With each backward glance
The lies came to look so true
The dreams shattered all the more
She wondered about the irony of it all
She thought it couldn't last
Once more she opened up
For this time it came so suddenly
And felt so fresh to her soul
Her heart beat with new life
Fresh dreams sparked within her
She could hear the voices calling
Beating upon the door
Her desire to run flamed again
But this time she couldn't find the road
And even if she find the strength
Someone was following behind
Then times grew dark
And fear set in
There's no way it could happen again
For the first time the blow struck
The wound was at her core
And each time after
It burned within her all the more
Blow after blow was dealt
The force knocking her face down
Over and over she raised her head
And got up off the ground
But this time she groaned with the ache
That wracked her body through
For the one that dealt this latest blow
Was the one who knew how to bind her wounds
She cried out with force and furry
She screamed at the wind
If this was life's path for her
She couldn't handle the journey again
There had been one standing
Fighting by her side
Holding her up
Speaking the Truth
Leading the way
But now alone again
She lay down and thought
This would be her final blow
Please don't let this lie be true
Thursday, June 22, 2006
[Sensitive]
"With all my soul I've tried in vain
How can mere words my heart explain
This taste of heaven so deep so true
I've found in you
So many reasons in so many ways"
I'm such a sensitive person. It's unreal sometimes. The smallest thing can cause this flash of pain to shoot through my chest and my little world falls. This probably means I put too much weight in "people" and don't find my full security in God Himself...yeah, i know i said 'probably' when it's pretty obvious. But i'm trying to find the balance right now. I love loving people. I love memories, my family, my friends. I love caring for others and giving to them...and i don't want to expect anything back. I try so hard not to. I guess it's just I do want to know they care back. They hold me in some kind of special place in their heart too. Maybe I shouldn't do this...expectations are what cause let-downs. But sometimes I just feel like I'm giving so much and when i look around, it's kinda lonely. I worry people are friends with me just because of what I give...what they want from me. I mean, when the only time someone calls you is because they want something you start wondering. When you realize the last time someone asked how you were doing, how your job was going, how the family was doing was.....well you can't remember when... you hurt a little.
Not it's not all bad. I love my friends, I love my family. It's just sometimes the smallest, and sometimes silliest thing, causes me to question that which I hold so dear. It means so much to me and I start hearing this voice saying it shouldn't mean so much, because it's one sided. And I get scared. There are certain things I desire so much, and am asking God for with such hope... and somewhere inside the doubt creeps up and jumps me at my most vulnerable moments. And little by little, things crumble in my mind.
Oh God, stay my eyes on You that I might see all, hear all, and love all by and through You.
How can mere words my heart explain
This taste of heaven so deep so true
I've found in you
So many reasons in so many ways"
I'm such a sensitive person. It's unreal sometimes. The smallest thing can cause this flash of pain to shoot through my chest and my little world falls. This probably means I put too much weight in "people" and don't find my full security in God Himself...yeah, i know i said 'probably' when it's pretty obvious. But i'm trying to find the balance right now. I love loving people. I love memories, my family, my friends. I love caring for others and giving to them...and i don't want to expect anything back. I try so hard not to. I guess it's just I do want to know they care back. They hold me in some kind of special place in their heart too. Maybe I shouldn't do this...expectations are what cause let-downs. But sometimes I just feel like I'm giving so much and when i look around, it's kinda lonely. I worry people are friends with me just because of what I give...what they want from me. I mean, when the only time someone calls you is because they want something you start wondering. When you realize the last time someone asked how you were doing, how your job was going, how the family was doing was.....well you can't remember when... you hurt a little.
Not it's not all bad. I love my friends, I love my family. It's just sometimes the smallest, and sometimes silliest thing, causes me to question that which I hold so dear. It means so much to me and I start hearing this voice saying it shouldn't mean so much, because it's one sided. And I get scared. There are certain things I desire so much, and am asking God for with such hope... and somewhere inside the doubt creeps up and jumps me at my most vulnerable moments. And little by little, things crumble in my mind.
Oh God, stay my eyes on You that I might see all, hear all, and love all by and through You.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
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