[DinnerofTHANKS]

A little event Nell thought up last year. Since we all travel for the holidays this is our change to get together, share our favorite holiday dish, have some fellowship and remember to be THANKFUL together! Here are a few pics of us goofing off. And yes, new hair once again ;)

The end. Who knew you could have a photo shoot - and so much fun - with punch.

[RedeemingAnger]

I've had a hard with my posts lately. Life has been interesting to say the least and although there are times that something occurs to me, or i'm pondering a thought that would be something i'd like to put out here, it doesn't stick with me and when i sit down to type nothing comes. Bloggers Block?

I guess outside my personal struggles what i've been pondering most this week is what i learned at a conference i attended. The conference was on the topic of 'anger' but i am not ashamed to admit i had no idea what i was in for. I thought they'd talk about how to not get mad, what causes us to get mad (which most of us could answer: not getting our way, selfishness, SIN), how to counsel the angry person and of course they'd talk about "righteous anger"...what God has. Well, let me give you a few tastes of what these men had to say:

"there is no person you speak to, counsel or preach to that does not have anger gone wrong at some time". Irritation is anger on a simmer and bitterness is long term anger...there are many forms of anger. Anger is saying "i'm against that, it matters, it's wrong in my perception". Anger is very effective, it gets what you want, bullies and manipulates when in human form. Anger comes when faced with 'displeasure'.
Man has sinful, self-centered anger...that displeases me.
God has righteous, redeeming anger...that displeases Me.

"it can be a real wrong we see, but it goes bad when we react with another wrong." Our practice of anger is often very bad. We go wrong when we 1. React when we shouldn't, 2. Overreact, 3. We don't react when we should.

They taught about "constructive conflict and displeasure".
Anger Says: that displeases me, so i will destroy it.
Joy Says: that pleases, me so i will cherish it
Indifference Says: That doesn't matter, so i can take it or leave it
Mercy Says: That displeases me, so i will redeem it.

We can have redeeming anger that says "that displeases my God, and I want to redeem that". Anger is crucial to our humanness. "It should be impossible for a moral being to stand in the presence of wrong and be unmoved." It is the complex nature of displeasure. If i spent half my energy that i have beeing 'slighted' and 'displeased' towards being displeased towards what displeases God what a difference i could make for Him.

I walked away and realized in the face of Jesus there is NO ROOM for my displeasure at that which is what i view as wrongs against "me". So my expectations were let down, so they let me down, so they said something bad about me...well...no one can say anything worse about me then what the cross did...it said my sin was so awful the Son of God had to die. So someone hurt me, i hurt the heard of my God every day i don't trust Him...what more need He do to show me He is sovereign? This is the true hurt I must focus on, not the petty slighting against my wants and likes.

Down every road, every thought, every principle was the same ending. Look Jesus in the face. It changes you. Knowing sinful anger is against God won't even have this same effect. But when you receive a gift you truly understand you didn't deserve it does something to a person, it changes them. When you truly understand your place in light of God, how very very small you are, what are you to be displeased at? Jesus voluntarily was crushed for us. Isaiah 54 and 55 talk of the wonderful blessing that is ours. Read Matthew 18 daily. Lower, lower now. Like in the limbo song remind yourself...lower, lower now, lower. Humility knocks out sinful anger. It replaces anger. Anger has a hard time going up against "God be merciful to me, a sinner". Think on that next time someone "displeases" you.

and of course the good ole blog spell check is certainly a chance at trying my anger...i am greatly displeased it NEVER works. but oh well...deal with it and i don't want to hear about my typos ;)

[Brisk]

i'm definitely not the happiest person in the world about this whole being sick thing. you see, i don't like winter...i don't even fully enjoy fall because i am haunted with the knowledge of what follows fall...WINTER. people have tried to convince me of the benefits of winter. and even in light of me learning to ski these past two winters i still don't see it. no matter how many times someone announces it's a beautiful "brisk" morning out, i still sit there shivering with serious doubts. and let's actually pause here and be honest about this "brisk" term.

"brisk" = running to your car as fast as you can, trying not to spill your coffee and usually failing at this act, just to get into a car with ice cold leather seats that cause you to yelp in shock even though you sit on this icy surface every morning and think you'd remember to prepare yourself. then after turning on your car and blasting the heat to try to defrost your frost covered windows you realize this won't work (like it ever has) and you jump out of the car using a credit card if you're like me or a ice scraper if you're one of those "prepared" types to scrape the frosty substance off your windows as quickly as possible. just to get back into your car where you can still see your breath but now have nice little squares of clear vision to peer bleary eyed through while muttering "i'm moving to Florida". yes, please bring on these "brisk" mornings.

so oh the joy. i'm sick, the brisk mornings are sneaking up on me at a frightening speed and i'm in philly suffering from a severe case of insomnia and hot tea addiction. at least there is a jacuzzi in my hotel room!

[Dayquil]

hack, cough, sneeze, cough, wheeze, sneeze, sneeze, sneeze...the dangers of too much dayquil

i'm sick and i'm not happy about it. maybe it during the combination of freezing cold weather and wearing a midevil princess gown that lacked much warmth at trunk or treat, maybe it was while i helped a friend move his mattresses in 35 degree rainy weather, maybe it from a friend at work who's been sick for almost 2 weeks, but wherever it was it got me. and i sound awful.....which my friend at work so joyfully pointed out most of yesterday. while studying with one of the pastors on staff he decided to repeat everything i say in his best Elmer Fudd impressionist voice. now, although he denies it, this same friend is one of the possible culprits for my being sick since he's been sneezing and hacking all over the office. and you’d think the guilt of this possibility would induce a little sympathy wouldn't you? sad to say, far from it, and in fact he continued his burst repetitions during most of our meeting:

me: where was that reference?
diddy: id whadz whoamans eight thurdyish

me: so what is the point of the gift of tongues?
diddy: yah ed, whad id da point od da guft od tongues?

me: are you practicing tonight?
diddy: whad u tay?

if only i could remember some of the other ones because there were plenty. i think we did a pretty good job of entertaining the pastor we were meeting with at least. there was a brief moment he ceased from repeating everything i said, much like my 9 year old cousin does when he's had too much sugar, to ask me to run sound for him at an event last night! but as soon as the 'sure' left my mouth he picked right back up: "otay, i see you ad six thurdy". and you know, he was already pressing his luck b/c he went and got my comrad-in-crime's son before i could get him tuesday night at church. perhaps i didn't make it clear that i've added "hold my co-leader's incredibly cute son every chance i get" to my job description.

well, you'd think i'd endured enough wouldn't you? i did too but at the end of the meeting when i announce i'm starving, not that my rumbling stomach hadn't made tha clear the last hour, he looks at me and informs me he has one cupcake left in his office and if i repeat the act of eating his last cupcake, as what previously done to him, i will be subject to the wrath of blog retaliation. the last cupcake from a box that i might add, i bought for him on his birthday a few weeks ago out of pity for his traumatizing experience. i've come to the conclusion that he's had far too much dayquil. and although i didn't eat his last cupcake, i decided this was worth blogging about.

at least he made me laugh ;)

[Glass]

a bird just ran into my window. sometimes my life is like that. i can see something, perfectly clearly. i want it and it looks like it's right in front of me. i run, hard, towards it and SLAM. i hit the glass. it knocks the breath out of you. you sit, dazed and confused, as i'm sure that little bird is right now.
God has to open the door, or window, before you can obtain certain things. you can't run ahead of God. you must go at His pace towards your goal. it's hard to wait, it's even hard to see it so clearly, but you have to accept this and wait. life is like this for me in so many areas sometimes.

funny how a little bird running into your window gets you thinking about much deeper issues.

[Friendship]

Amanda went with me to a Redskins game this weekend. She is a die hard Cowboys fan but this is how much she loves me. I am so blessed!

I was driving one of the Pastor's trucks from church b/c my is in the shop. Worked out pretty well!!

Too bad we couldn't pack "Chad" up and bring him home with us...sigh ;) 

[Family]

What do you think about when someone says family?? what pops into your head? i spent this last weekend with mine. i hate how busy i am but i determined to clear my schedule and get down there after my recent conversation with my 9 year old 'cousin' (more like little bro) and a slight family emergency last weekend. so when i got back from the women's conference i attended fri/sat i packed up and headed down.

chinese food,
an 11PM movie run with 'my baby',
ice cream, swedish fish and peanut butter m 'n m's,
staying up far too late,
then sleeping very little with a 9 year old sleep across my legs
and a 14 year old snoring next to me,
bad instant coffee to wake me up
catching up with the 'sis'
and a lazy sunday curled up in my favorite blanket.
it was perfect.

i love my family more then air. i really do. maybe it's the familiarity, maybe it's being totally me, maybe it's unloading my heart and walking away filled with love, maybe it's feeling like a kid again all sleeping in the same room, maybe it's the reminiscing over old stories, or maybe it's the sharing our deepest dreams about the future. i dunno, i think it's all of that and a whole lot more. we laid there on saturday night all in the same room in the basement freezing...talking about how old we'll have to get before we don't all sleep in the same room when we're all home...we decided never. our future husbands and wives will just have to deal, it's tradition =) and it's just how we like it. that's love, humble love for one another that we want to spend every second together. why is it that the important, the fulfilling things in life are the first things that get squeezed out of our schedule? perhaps it's because we live in a tyranny of the urgent. and because these people love us, they'll never be another thing screaming for our attention and they quietly wait for us to make room.

[Core]

i spent wednesday with a dear friend. our conversation was a breath of fresh air. we talked about our lives, our journeys, our growth, our questions and the answers we've found. it was awesome. while there she told me about a book that gives an illustration about friends that i really connected with. as you've seen i love my friends. i love this close circle i have that i believe with ALL MY HEART God has ordained. i love our differences and similarities. i love that my girlfriend who is a die hard Cowboys fan is going with me, and spending quite a bit of money i might add, to see the Skins play tonight. it's been a huge wish of mine to go to this game and she's making it happen. these people mean the world to me and this book my friend told me about said something simple yet profound to me

we have layers
of friends
and at
our core
is a close circle,
people who
if we lost even
one
we'd find ourselves
devastated

the layers go on from here but at our core is that group of people that we hold so dear they can devastate us by a simple absence of presence in our lives. i'm sure this looks different for different people but it really resonated with me. i liked that wording.

devastated...yeah, that sounds just about right.

[Window]

she sits and
stares
outside her window
the wind blows through the trees
the sun causes
the autumn colors
to glow
she can't really tell if it's
cold or warm
it doesn't really matter
she's curled up
with her
favorite blanket
and if she had her choice
this is where she'd stay
life
is too busy
work
is too rushed
relationships
are too hard
she's tired
of the games
hope
has become a whisper
a glimmer that flashes
and disappears
faith her only companion
she wonders
about the outcome
as a good friend said
she clings
to the one thing
that frees her
letting go
is not her thing
don't let go
she fights her own
thoughts
she fears permanence
if only
she knew
there must be
a reason
must
be
in a little while
she'll come back
to sit and stare
at the wind
through the window
her thoughts swirl
through her mind
as the wind
in the trees
she's wrapped
in her favorite blanket
and it's so quiet
there's nothing left
to do
the tide is high
she's holding on
for the
reason
she's wondering
about the outcome
she waits
and she sits
and stares
through the window
maybe she'll go outside today