Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt this way before
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you
'Cause I've had the time of my life
And I've searched through every open door
'Til I found the truth
And I owe it all to you
More than you'll ever know
I can't get enough of...
....
......
.........
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
[Turn]
That's never stopped you before
The sound of my shoes on the pavement
Knowing i'm crouched behind the branches
I look behind me to find emptiness
I peak through the branches to a cavern of space
If i decide to move where do i go
Which way should i turn
The sound of my shoes on the pavement
Knowing i'm crouched behind the branches
I look behind me to find emptiness
I peak through the branches to a cavern of space
If i decide to move where do i go
Which way should i turn
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
[Iraq2]
For those of you who ask how my cousin is here is an update...i'm so proud of this man.
As i 'm sure a lot of you heard, we had an apache shot down right outside ******** and as a result, they shut down all communications going out from camp taji to the rest of the world to make sure the news got out through "official channels". yeah, that's funny b/c i was at the crash site providing security that day b/c we were called out on QRF (quick reaction force) and that very night while i went to the gym, the tv was on CNN blasting the coverage of the apache that was shot down by insurgents. They just need to accept they can't control it all i guess. Otherwise, life is alright here. i'm very worn out. we pretty much have a day off every couple days and sometimes that just comes out to be a few hours even, so enjoy your weekends schmucks!
The hard part about this whole fight...you never know who the bad guys are. you get a gut feel when you run into them, but what can you do if you don't find anything on them? You'll go for days without (anything) happening, and then boom, we have a day like the one with the apache where an apache gets shot down, a couple car bombs go off in baghdad, and a tank commander gets shot by a sniper on the perimeter around the crash site. makes it hard to keep your guys on their toes.
What i do want to say though is don't ever ever take for granted what we've got back in the US. I thought i never did till i came here and realized that i took for granted so much there back at home. These jokers back in the states that think that we are all screwed up need to be sent over here, strapped into a truck with some body armor and drive by a few IED's and look at the standards of living that these people live in and SEE if they don't go back to the states, kiss the ground they walk on and thank God every damn day for what an incredible and fortunate country he is undeservingly privileged to live in. Just wait for some hippie to call me a "baby killer" or debate me on the war and talk trash about our country when i get home..he'll kiss the ground too...conscious or unconscious..his choice. I know after all of this, i will go home and not take a moment for granted living in a country where people from here can only stare wide eyed at you when you tel them about it and not believe that such a place exists. Ok, i'm off my soap box. : )
I'm so very proud of him. I think this says it all. We do need to really be thankful for what we have and remember that these men and women are defending OUR COUNTRY. It's not just about a new government system there...it's about that b/c we were attacked and we want to ensure, as best as can be, that it doesn't happen again. And agree or disagree...our troops our there, they're fighting and they need our support and prayers. Okay, now i'm off my soap box...runs in the family i guess!
Sunday, January 22, 2006
[TwentyQ]
I have a twenty Q... this little gadget/toy like electronic that is supposed to guess what you're thinking in twenty questions. I got it at my work Christmas Party (i know what you're thinking...big spenders in my company) and that very night stumped it with a friend of mine. I haven't paid much attention to it until the other night when i couldn't sleep. But there is sat on my dresser so i picked it up and thought of something....i thought "home"...and 20 questions later it guessed "house". Wow, i'm impressed. I'll try again...and once again it came quite close. So, one last time i thought....this time it was the word "man"...and so it began
Animal? -no, well...yeah, no
Mineral? -nope
Other? yep
And it began the interigation with questions like
Is it bigger than a pound of butter...uh, yeah
And then it was over. I waited.
....
....
....
....
It guessed.
"I know what you are thinking" it said.
"You are thinking of....."
"A BUTT"
I laughed outloud and almost fell out of my bed. I had to share.
Animal? -no, well...yeah, no
Mineral? -nope
Other? yep
And it began the interigation with questions like
Is it bigger than a pound of butter...uh, yeah
And then it was over. I waited.
....
....
....
....
It guessed.
"I know what you are thinking" it said.
"You are thinking of....."
"A BUTT"
I laughed outloud and almost fell out of my bed. I had to share.
Friday, January 20, 2006
[Joy]
I realized today how easily dissatisfied i am. The Lord can give me something great and I think, "well, if only it was that plus this". Good grief. Humans. =)
It's been an interesting week. At my amazing Bible Study last week we discussed the trials and testing that was sure to come...and oh boy did it come. My family monday, job on tuesday, a friend on wednesday, don't remember thursday...but the cool thing is...in spite of all that i had a great week. My joy wasn't stolen! I worked hard to focus on God being bigger then every circumstance and person. I reminded myself His perfect plan won't be thwarted and He works all things out for our good and His glory. Work was awesome, i got to see my friends throughout the week, help one of them decorate his house which i LOVE and just hang out and relax to cap it off Friday. It was great. I've fallen to my knees a few times in recent weeks BUT not gone down =) Thank you Jesus...we all know it wasn't my strength that accomplished this!! Thx for all the prayers. Meeting you all and having this little blog to share has been awesome.
It's been an interesting week. At my amazing Bible Study last week we discussed the trials and testing that was sure to come...and oh boy did it come. My family monday, job on tuesday, a friend on wednesday, don't remember thursday...but the cool thing is...in spite of all that i had a great week. My joy wasn't stolen! I worked hard to focus on God being bigger then every circumstance and person. I reminded myself His perfect plan won't be thwarted and He works all things out for our good and His glory. Work was awesome, i got to see my friends throughout the week, help one of them decorate his house which i LOVE and just hang out and relax to cap it off Friday. It was great. I've fallen to my knees a few times in recent weeks BUT not gone down =) Thank you Jesus...we all know it wasn't my strength that accomplished this!! Thx for all the prayers. Meeting you all and having this little blog to share has been awesome.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Suffering Part Six
(a series that began here)
::Suffering Part Six: Final Thoughts::
Well, there you have it. I found this all to be good food for thought. Suffering will come, the black water will surround us, but how will we respond? Don’t run from God, run to Him. Don’t run from your fellow soldiers in Christ to the world for comfort. Don’t set up a functional god. And please, don’t waste your suffering. Claim God’s promises and cling to His sovereignty. Look to all the examples He gives us in His word of His faithfulness (Ruth, Job, Joseph, etc) and remind yourself He will do the same for all His children.
God is sovereign. We must take our thoughts captive during the dark times and remind ourselves, TELL ourselves this truth over and over to keep our focus on God, our moths from grumbling, our hope in tact, and our eyes open to those around us who need us. Sovereignty is a hard subject to grasp for some. Perhaps that will be an upcoming series for me. But I do believe God IS sovereign, it's just getting this from my head to my heart in those times of suffering.
Jars of Clay has a song that says:
Face to the ground to hid the fatal cut
I fight the weight, I feel You lift me up
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away
I need You, I need You, I need You
You're all I'm livin for
Sometimes it is "face to the ground" but it's the cry "i need You, i need You" that makes the difference.
::Suffering Part Six: Final Thoughts::
Well, there you have it. I found this all to be good food for thought. Suffering will come, the black water will surround us, but how will we respond? Don’t run from God, run to Him. Don’t run from your fellow soldiers in Christ to the world for comfort. Don’t set up a functional god. And please, don’t waste your suffering. Claim God’s promises and cling to His sovereignty. Look to all the examples He gives us in His word of His faithfulness (Ruth, Job, Joseph, etc) and remind yourself He will do the same for all His children.
God is sovereign. We must take our thoughts captive during the dark times and remind ourselves, TELL ourselves this truth over and over to keep our focus on God, our moths from grumbling, our hope in tact, and our eyes open to those around us who need us. Sovereignty is a hard subject to grasp for some. Perhaps that will be an upcoming series for me. But I do believe God IS sovereign, it's just getting this from my head to my heart in those times of suffering.
Jars of Clay has a song that says:
Face to the ground to hid the fatal cut
I fight the weight, I feel You lift me up
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away
I need You, I need You, I need You
You're all I'm livin for
Sometimes it is "face to the ground" but it's the cry "i need You, i need You" that makes the difference.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Suffering Part Five
(a series that began here)
::Suffering Part Five: We Can Waste It Vicariously::
4. Lastly, we can waste suffering vicariously. When someone else is suffering and we just idly stand by we waste the opportunity to minister to them in their suffering. We are called to bear one another’s burdens (Gal 6:2), sharpen one another as iron on iron (Prov 27:17), restore one another (in a spirit of gentleness) when they are in sin (Gal 6:1), and there are many other admonishments for walking with one another in Christ. We’re directed to have in view, in action and conversation, making one another wiser, stronger and more mature through God’s direction a priority. We can waste another’s suffering by not stepping up, and often stepping out of our comfort zone, to help them. Whether it’s by encouragement or exhortation don’t waste the opportunity. Wouldn’t you want the same of those who love you? Wouldn’t you want someone to come along side you and walk with you? I know I do.
So when we see our brothers and sisters suffering, either by the world’s falleness or their own sin, reach out and seize the moment. It is a great sign of selfishness when you ignore another who is in pain. Excuses might flow such as ...
::Suffering Part Five: We Can Waste It Vicariously::
4. Lastly, we can waste suffering vicariously. When someone else is suffering and we just idly stand by we waste the opportunity to minister to them in their suffering. We are called to bear one another’s burdens (Gal 6:2), sharpen one another as iron on iron (Prov 27:17), restore one another (in a spirit of gentleness) when they are in sin (Gal 6:1), and there are many other admonishments for walking with one another in Christ. We’re directed to have in view, in action and conversation, making one another wiser, stronger and more mature through God’s direction a priority. We can waste another’s suffering by not stepping up, and often stepping out of our comfort zone, to help them. Whether it’s by encouragement or exhortation don’t waste the opportunity. Wouldn’t you want the same of those who love you? Wouldn’t you want someone to come along side you and walk with you? I know I do.
So when we see our brothers and sisters suffering, either by the world’s falleness or their own sin, reach out and seize the moment. It is a great sign of selfishness when you ignore another who is in pain. Excuses might flow such as ...
- "i'm not good with words" :: Does God not put the words in our mouths that we need? Isaiah 59:21 says (for one example) "My Spirit that is upon you, and my words that I have put in your mouth, shall not depart out of your mouth" or Jeremiah 1:9 "Then the LORD put out his hand and touched my mouth. And the LORD said to me, "Behold, I have put my words in your mouth." It's not us anyway...we're just the tool in His hands. We might make mistakes and slip into our own strength and our own words but by God's grace we will learn how to use the words of our mouths for Him, we'll experience His words flowing from our mouths. "Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you oh God"
- "it's not my place" :: Hmmm, God's Word says it is in Hebrews 3:13 "But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today, that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." We're told to encourage one another in 1 Thes 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up". Or in Gal 6:1 which i mentioned: "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted."
- "they won't listen" :: Sow the seed and let God do the rest. Jesus said "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few" in Matthew 9. It goes on to remind though that it's "His harvest". We sow the seed and He does the rest. It's not about them doing the right thing and listening, it's about us doing the right thing and being obedient to God's command to walk with one another.
- And check out James 19-20 :: "My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins."
It doesn’t have to be huge. It can be a word, a prayer, a simple admonishment to them but don't waste their suffering vicariously by staying in your comfort zone. What a beautiful picture of Christ it is when true community occurs. Jesus set the example for us and told us to be like Him. To the woman at the well He spoke truth: "fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. " and the redemptive power of truth brought her to declare to those around "Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ!". God's redemptive power is an awesome thing and He wants to use these cracked pots for His glory.
As you can tell I am passionate about this one. It saddens me so much to see people ignoring those around them for whatever "excuse" they've come up with. When I thought about this action being defined as "wasting that person's suffering" something clicked for me. Don't waste it. Step up!
"May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus" Romans 15:5
Monday, January 09, 2006
[Up]
I think i'm finally getting up! I felt like myself again for the first time in so long yesterday...all day. I've had little moments like this but this is different. The weekend was great: the Skins won Saturday, we had a little 'blip on the radar' but after i (as the little sis put it) "let Niagara Falls out of my mouth" with the her i felt much better...well, her throwing a laundry at me and saying "what God has to be will be!!...so just live and trust Him!" helped too. Nothing like a wake up call from your little sis, thankfully mine rocks and that's exactly why i went to see her...i knew i needed her.
Then I continued my night with my fam having a ton of fun. yesterday was awesome too!! i drug my butt out of bed to go to church on only 4 hours of sleep after staying up too late (watching a terrible movie) with my little sis (but anytime with her is worth it). And yesterday i spent the afternoon with 2 friends and had a blast! They're newly engaged and so sweet. Our time was fun, full of laughter and honesty and the deep things of the Lord. I love these kinds of dynamics. I LOVE to laugh and have fun but i also love to go deep and connect with those i care about.
I think i really got it when last night with another friend i was bouncing around, totally typical of me, and he kept asking what was up. Not in a bad way, but a good way....like he was pleased to see me like this. And in fact he said just that during the evening after i told him for the 10th time "i'm in a great mood!" and he replied sweetly "i know, it's so nice to see you like this again". Yes indeed. I felt like myself last night...goofy, silly, deep and loving the moments God was giving me. It was not an earth shattering weekend...football, family, church, lunch with friends, cleaning and ironing...and actually another terrible movie last night (hmmmm) but what was different was me. I'm just sitting here thinking about this and thought an upbeat blog was in order. And hopefully they'll be more to come!
What will this week hold? What will the outcome be? I don't know. But i think i'm going to be okay. I think i'm on my feet and steady enough (thanks to God) to be okay. And i hope for the future. YES, i hope again!!
Then I continued my night with my fam having a ton of fun. yesterday was awesome too!! i drug my butt out of bed to go to church on only 4 hours of sleep after staying up too late (watching a terrible movie) with my little sis (but anytime with her is worth it). And yesterday i spent the afternoon with 2 friends and had a blast! They're newly engaged and so sweet. Our time was fun, full of laughter and honesty and the deep things of the Lord. I love these kinds of dynamics. I LOVE to laugh and have fun but i also love to go deep and connect with those i care about.
I think i really got it when last night with another friend i was bouncing around, totally typical of me, and he kept asking what was up. Not in a bad way, but a good way....like he was pleased to see me like this. And in fact he said just that during the evening after i told him for the 10th time "i'm in a great mood!" and he replied sweetly "i know, it's so nice to see you like this again". Yes indeed. I felt like myself last night...goofy, silly, deep and loving the moments God was giving me. It was not an earth shattering weekend...football, family, church, lunch with friends, cleaning and ironing...and actually another terrible movie last night (hmmmm) but what was different was me. I'm just sitting here thinking about this and thought an upbeat blog was in order. And hopefully they'll be more to come!
What will this week hold? What will the outcome be? I don't know. But i think i'm going to be okay. I think i'm on my feet and steady enough (thanks to God) to be okay. And i hope for the future. YES, i hope again!!
[Pray]
for those of you following my blog, tonight i ask for prayer. not in a moment of sadness but an honest cry for God's wisdom. it's been a hard few months and i've been so confused. i felt like my old self today though. it was awesome. i'm almost afraid for it to go but need to trust God. I had a fantastic day and although it didn't end perfect i think that's God's way of keeping me humble and dependent on Him (yeah, no duh).
I "feel" like the time I spent with 2 of my friends this afternoon was God really speaking to me, and incase i was missing it He sent me a huge banner tonight flying across my life. the thing is, it would be a good thing for this to be the case. oh how i fear to hope so i need prayer. prayer to walk steadily on, doing the next thing, trusting Him, FOCUSING on Him, and all that good stuff!
I need to go to work tomorrow (today) and do what i need to do without over thinking the entire day i had today, picking apart every detail. I need to just be thankful that i felt like the old me again and got a great chance to enjoy it, outside sitting in my room which has been my hiding place for a few days now.
The neatest thing? On the way home i think i figured something out. I have this tendency to "freak out" after certain things. So as i drove home (fighting the "freak out" sneaking up) i had the overwhelming urge to turn on the Christian Radio station and just belt it out. "Sing Halleluiah" was on and as i did just that, the fears had NO room to whisper. How elementary but how wonderful. As i sang out God's praises, telling my soul to trust in Him, it really helped. So i'm going to keep trying this! Too bad i don't have a good voice!!
I "feel" like the time I spent with 2 of my friends this afternoon was God really speaking to me, and incase i was missing it He sent me a huge banner tonight flying across my life. the thing is, it would be a good thing for this to be the case. oh how i fear to hope so i need prayer. prayer to walk steadily on, doing the next thing, trusting Him, FOCUSING on Him, and all that good stuff!
I need to go to work tomorrow (today) and do what i need to do without over thinking the entire day i had today, picking apart every detail. I need to just be thankful that i felt like the old me again and got a great chance to enjoy it, outside sitting in my room which has been my hiding place for a few days now.
The neatest thing? On the way home i think i figured something out. I have this tendency to "freak out" after certain things. So as i drove home (fighting the "freak out" sneaking up) i had the overwhelming urge to turn on the Christian Radio station and just belt it out. "Sing Halleluiah" was on and as i did just that, the fears had NO room to whisper. How elementary but how wonderful. As i sang out God's praises, telling my soul to trust in Him, it really helped. So i'm going to keep trying this! Too bad i don't have a good voice!!
Friday, January 06, 2006
Suffering Part Four
(a series that began here)
::Suffering Part Four: It Is Wasted When You Lose Hope::
3. When neither of the first two warnings are headed something terrible happens to us. We lose hope. And Suffering is immensely wasted when we lose hope. I've written some posts about hope and disappointment recently so this one really struck me. When I lose hope i'm wasting the suffering that God has sent my way. He has something to teach me through it and when I lose hope I'm saying I don't trust Him, He doesn't have a purpose, His way can't be as good as what i want (and am not seeing happening). But, God wants us to hope in Him during these times, to put ‘feet to our faith’ and trust Him, allow it to strengthen our hope and trust not derail it. If we have our focus on ourselves and are grumbling and complaining though, of course we'll lose hope! Perhaps, and it seems obvious, that the first two are the ways to in fact lose hope. If my eyes were on God, speaking words of truth then I'd have hope. So if i've lost hope i need to look at the first two ways and fix them first.
Psalm 33:18 reminds us “Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His steadfast love.” Psalm 39:17, 62:5, 119:49 and so many more tell us to hope in Him. “Why are you cast down O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? (then David TELLS himself…) Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.” Suffering should bring us to the foot of Christ’s cross, empty and ready for His touch, leading and direction. Hopeful that He WILL use it for His glory and our good. You see, you have to keep in mind that God isn’t interesting in our earthy happiness but our eternal joy. But when we lose hope, we fall into the first two categories, put our focus instead on ourselves and start to grumble and complain. Jason and I have talked before about the fact that there will always be “something” in our lives that is our god. It is our choice whether we focus on the true God, or set up a functional god…and sometimes the functional god can even be ourselves…it’s what we focus on and look to. Suffering can be a great magnifying glass to see what our god is at that moment. Do we fall apart? Look to our own strength? Look to another? Give up? Walk away? Turn to the world and what it has to offer to numb the pain? Or do we fall at Christ’s feet and cry out as Job did “I know that You can do all things, and no purpose of Yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2)
(Click Here To Continue To Part Five)
::Suffering Part Four: It Is Wasted When You Lose Hope::
3. When neither of the first two warnings are headed something terrible happens to us. We lose hope. And Suffering is immensely wasted when we lose hope. I've written some posts about hope and disappointment recently so this one really struck me. When I lose hope i'm wasting the suffering that God has sent my way. He has something to teach me through it and when I lose hope I'm saying I don't trust Him, He doesn't have a purpose, His way can't be as good as what i want (and am not seeing happening). But, God wants us to hope in Him during these times, to put ‘feet to our faith’ and trust Him, allow it to strengthen our hope and trust not derail it. If we have our focus on ourselves and are grumbling and complaining though, of course we'll lose hope! Perhaps, and it seems obvious, that the first two are the ways to in fact lose hope. If my eyes were on God, speaking words of truth then I'd have hope. So if i've lost hope i need to look at the first two ways and fix them first.
Psalm 33:18 reminds us “Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His steadfast love.” Psalm 39:17, 62:5, 119:49 and so many more tell us to hope in Him. “Why are you cast down O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? (then David TELLS himself…) Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.” Suffering should bring us to the foot of Christ’s cross, empty and ready for His touch, leading and direction. Hopeful that He WILL use it for His glory and our good. You see, you have to keep in mind that God isn’t interesting in our earthy happiness but our eternal joy. But when we lose hope, we fall into the first two categories, put our focus instead on ourselves and start to grumble and complain. Jason and I have talked before about the fact that there will always be “something” in our lives that is our god. It is our choice whether we focus on the true God, or set up a functional god…and sometimes the functional god can even be ourselves…it’s what we focus on and look to. Suffering can be a great magnifying glass to see what our god is at that moment. Do we fall apart? Look to our own strength? Look to another? Give up? Walk away? Turn to the world and what it has to offer to numb the pain? Or do we fall at Christ’s feet and cry out as Job did “I know that You can do all things, and no purpose of Yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2)
(Click Here To Continue To Part Five)
Suffering Part Three
(a series that began here)
::Suffering Part Three: You Waste It When You Grumble And Complain::
2. As if the thought you waste your suffering when you put the focus on yourself isn't enough to keep your mind busy there is another way. You also waste it by spending your time grumbling and complaining. In all seriousness what does this do? For the Israelites God asks “How long shall this wicked congregation grumble against me?” NOT what I want to hear from the Lord. And an interesting fact to watch for…many times the grumbling and complaining comes from circumstances that aren’t life shattering but just slightly inconvenient. Of course when the suffering comes, and you find yourself in the black water you are going to have a desire to cry out…but cry out to God, not against Him. Look at the Psalmist’s honesty, “Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress, be gracious to me and hear my prayer!” (4:1) David remembers God has been faithful and knows He will be again. He does what he might not have ‘felt’ like doing, but in obedience he cries out to God, as he does all throughout the Psalms. And as always you see God re-align his focus…“In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” (4:8)
(Continue Here For Suffering Part Four)
::Suffering Part Three: You Waste It When You Grumble And Complain::
2. As if the thought you waste your suffering when you put the focus on yourself isn't enough to keep your mind busy there is another way. You also waste it by spending your time grumbling and complaining. In all seriousness what does this do? For the Israelites God asks “How long shall this wicked congregation grumble against me?” NOT what I want to hear from the Lord. And an interesting fact to watch for…many times the grumbling and complaining comes from circumstances that aren’t life shattering but just slightly inconvenient. Of course when the suffering comes, and you find yourself in the black water you are going to have a desire to cry out…but cry out to God, not against Him. Look at the Psalmist’s honesty, “Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress, be gracious to me and hear my prayer!” (4:1) David remembers God has been faithful and knows He will be again. He does what he might not have ‘felt’ like doing, but in obedience he cries out to God, as he does all throughout the Psalms. And as always you see God re-align his focus…“In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” (4:8)
(Continue Here For Suffering Part Four)
Suffering Part Two
(a series that began here)
::Suffering Part Two: You Waste It When You Become SELF-Focused In It::
1. You waste your suffering when you become “self” focused. When I began to think about this I remembered the Israelites who put their eyes on themselves over and over when things didn’t look like they were going as planned. In Numbers 13 they begin to freak out because the inhabitants of the land God had promised them were great and fierce and they began to doubt God’s promise…His sovereignty. The spies come back and said “We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we are…we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them.” Who said anything about ‘them’ having anything to do with taking the land?? Didn’t God promise it to them of His own hand? “They are stronger” they cry out to Moses…they are stronger then whom?…then themselves…no big deal, because the men of Canaan certainly weren’t stronger then God. He had made a promise and He is sure to keep His promises. Yet, they put their eyes on themselves when the journey took unexpected turns (after unexpected turns) and doubted His sovereignty. Moses and Caleb reminded the people “If the Lord delights in us, He will bring us into this land and give it to us (notice the word GIVE)…only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not fear the people of the land…the Lord is with us; do not fear them” (14:8-9). There is a focus back on God. And God then Himself confirms it when he asks “How long with they not believe in Me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among them?” (14:11) This kind of suffering is a distinct opportunity to fall at Christ’s feet and say “it’s a mess, I’m a mess but You are BIG, and great and sovereign and I PUT my trust in You”. Yes, easier said then done. Yes, this truth is in our heads but it’s a long journey from our heads to our hearts. But think about it- how do we learn anything in life? By doing it, by practicing it over and over again. So, God gives us opportunities to practice, He brings the suffering and we choose to look at ourselves and become distressed or look at God and be at rest.
(Click Here For Suffering Part Three)
::Suffering Part Two: You Waste It When You Become SELF-Focused In It::
1. You waste your suffering when you become “self” focused. When I began to think about this I remembered the Israelites who put their eyes on themselves over and over when things didn’t look like they were going as planned. In Numbers 13 they begin to freak out because the inhabitants of the land God had promised them were great and fierce and they began to doubt God’s promise…His sovereignty. The spies come back and said “We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we are…we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them.” Who said anything about ‘them’ having anything to do with taking the land?? Didn’t God promise it to them of His own hand? “They are stronger” they cry out to Moses…they are stronger then whom?…then themselves…no big deal, because the men of Canaan certainly weren’t stronger then God. He had made a promise and He is sure to keep His promises. Yet, they put their eyes on themselves when the journey took unexpected turns (after unexpected turns) and doubted His sovereignty. Moses and Caleb reminded the people “If the Lord delights in us, He will bring us into this land and give it to us (notice the word GIVE)…only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not fear the people of the land…the Lord is with us; do not fear them” (14:8-9). There is a focus back on God. And God then Himself confirms it when he asks “How long with they not believe in Me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among them?” (14:11) This kind of suffering is a distinct opportunity to fall at Christ’s feet and say “it’s a mess, I’m a mess but You are BIG, and great and sovereign and I PUT my trust in You”. Yes, easier said then done. Yes, this truth is in our heads but it’s a long journey from our heads to our hearts. But think about it- how do we learn anything in life? By doing it, by practicing it over and over again. So, God gives us opportunities to practice, He brings the suffering and we choose to look at ourselves and become distressed or look at God and be at rest.
(Click Here For Suffering Part Three)
Suffering Part One
Here it is! I've finally finished my article on suffering and i'm going to post it in sections. Here's the first one =) I'd love to hear any thoughts you all might have...
::Suffering Part One: It Costs Too Much To Waste::
I just want to throw a few thoughts out on this subject. You see, it’s where I’ve been living for a while now…in the midst of suffering but seeking God’s sovereignty. There was a guy who spoke at the ministry I co-lead and his series was titled "Black Water". He shared his experiences as a 'hard hat diver' where he worked at the bottom of the Potomac River. It was amazing to hear him share his stories and then he related it to our walks with God. He spoke of the water on the bottom of a river, and how black it is. You can't see your hand in front of your mask. Pitch darkness. All you have is a radio in your ear that connects you to a guy on the surface who has a blueprint of where you're working...usually our speaker would work clearing pipes at the bottom of rivers. So this guy on top is your only companion down there, guiding and helping you through your mission. There are many times of silence where you're just working away down there. You call out "still there" and the guy on the surface says, "Yeah, still ok?"...you reply "yeah....i guess" and keep working. Our speaker spoke of the fact that God often allows or even takes us to places of suffering, to the black water, but He never for one minute ceases to be sovereign. There are times we are in the "black water" and it's hard but He never for one minute leaves us and has the blue print of where this time will take us. Our speaker also spoke about the moment you immerge from the Black Water, back to the surface, mission completed. You've made it. There was a purpose and it's now completed, until the next time. It was a great series and perhaps was the beginning of my desire to research suffering. I haven't had the time i wish i had to do this justice but I have learned some neat 'truths' that i'll share over the next few posts.
The first thing i've been thinking about is something someone said last month that struck me at my very core. They said “don’t waste your suffering, it costs too much”. Have you ever thought of it that way? I know I hadn’t before but when I stopped to think I realized how true it was. Suffering costs us a great deal. For me, I’m a very passionate, emotional person so when I am in a place of suffering the pain can cut deep, the wounds can ache for a long time, the emotion can cause all kinds of side effects in my life like a lack of sleeping, and so on and so on. Yet God says “yes” and brings us to these places, so as this person said “don’t waste it”. Don’t waste the emotion and pain that comes with it. What I heard was don't just grit your teeth and bear it. Don't just (literally) suffer through it and come out on the other side saying "i survived" but instead "look what happened/i learned/came of it!" I thought about the words "waste your suffering" a lot. It's such a great way to put it. Well, there were a few ways you can waste your suffering that he spoke about and I'll share those over the next few posts.
(Continue Here For Suffering Part Two)
::Suffering Part One: It Costs Too Much To Waste::
I just want to throw a few thoughts out on this subject. You see, it’s where I’ve been living for a while now…in the midst of suffering but seeking God’s sovereignty. There was a guy who spoke at the ministry I co-lead and his series was titled "Black Water". He shared his experiences as a 'hard hat diver' where he worked at the bottom of the Potomac River. It was amazing to hear him share his stories and then he related it to our walks with God. He spoke of the water on the bottom of a river, and how black it is. You can't see your hand in front of your mask. Pitch darkness. All you have is a radio in your ear that connects you to a guy on the surface who has a blueprint of where you're working...usually our speaker would work clearing pipes at the bottom of rivers. So this guy on top is your only companion down there, guiding and helping you through your mission. There are many times of silence where you're just working away down there. You call out "still there" and the guy on the surface says, "Yeah, still ok?"...you reply "yeah....i guess" and keep working. Our speaker spoke of the fact that God often allows or even takes us to places of suffering, to the black water, but He never for one minute ceases to be sovereign. There are times we are in the "black water" and it's hard but He never for one minute leaves us and has the blue print of where this time will take us. Our speaker also spoke about the moment you immerge from the Black Water, back to the surface, mission completed. You've made it. There was a purpose and it's now completed, until the next time. It was a great series and perhaps was the beginning of my desire to research suffering. I haven't had the time i wish i had to do this justice but I have learned some neat 'truths' that i'll share over the next few posts.
The first thing i've been thinking about is something someone said last month that struck me at my very core. They said “don’t waste your suffering, it costs too much”. Have you ever thought of it that way? I know I hadn’t before but when I stopped to think I realized how true it was. Suffering costs us a great deal. For me, I’m a very passionate, emotional person so when I am in a place of suffering the pain can cut deep, the wounds can ache for a long time, the emotion can cause all kinds of side effects in my life like a lack of sleeping, and so on and so on. Yet God says “yes” and brings us to these places, so as this person said “don’t waste it”. Don’t waste the emotion and pain that comes with it. What I heard was don't just grit your teeth and bear it. Don't just (literally) suffer through it and come out on the other side saying "i survived" but instead "look what happened/i learned/came of it!" I thought about the words "waste your suffering" a lot. It's such a great way to put it. Well, there were a few ways you can waste your suffering that he spoke about and I'll share those over the next few posts.
(Continue Here For Suffering Part Two)
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
[Iraq]
My cousin (who i love dearly) just went to Iraq 4 weeks ago. For the first 2 he was in Kuwait where he was pretty safe, but 3 nights ago he headed to "somewhere i can't say" Iraq. He's just the kind of guy you'd want serving in our military. He's a strong man, a strong leader and fiercely passionate. I didn't want to part with him, I need him around to talk to and laugh with. His sister and him are so close and she needs him, his dad just go re-married. I struggled with the whys for quite a while. And it's so scary. I was in my car the other night and the radio "dj" said, "this song goes out to all those oversees fighting for our country, and the family they leave behind" and i thought...hey, that's me.
We've heard from him a few times since he left. The first few times were pretty basic but now his mission is about to begin. He is leading 30 young men, as a 24 year old himself. It's pretty surreal that he's over there at war. I'm sitting on my bed with my laptop and he's over there fighting for our country and defending it's honor. I'm so proud of him but i miss him already. In his last email he wrote about the trip into Iraq. What he says really brings everything going on over there home and i thought i'd share a little of it with you:
Well, i'm finally here in ****** *****. Lets just say it was definitely one of the most tense times in the last couple of days getting here. I've had about 3 hours of sleep in the last 40 and a lot still to do. We left kuwait and escorted in unarmored gun trucks a convoy of 30 tractor trailers hauling our tanks,
bradleys, etc.. We made several stops and made the final push late last night, early early this morning around 1 am into *******. In order to do this, we rode in the dark with NOD's (night vision) on and lights off through about the worst part of Baghdad (NW). The reports were coming in like crazy about convoys
getting hit with IED's, RPG's, and small arms fire before we rolled through so we were basically counting on contact. I was the second vehicle in the convoy that stretched about 4 miles long, and let me tell ya, you'll learn to pray real hard when you're staring into the dark when one of the tractor trailers has to
stop to fix a flat on the outskirts of baghdad waiting to see tracer rounds whip by your vehicle.
He's quite a guy and really has a way of lightening the mood with humor so i normally laugh and cry all in the same breath while reading his emails...but this last one was certainly more serious. In his last one he was joking about the fact he didn't think he'd even make it to base with the way they drive over there.
I know different people feel different ways about the war. Would i prefer my cousin to be tucked away safely somewhere here in the states? Heck yeah. But at the same time there is no way what happened to our country in 2001 can go un-responded to. We are not as safe here as we believed we were. Our country will never be the same. And my cousin, and many other men and women, are fighting for our safety, the lives of those that were lost on 9/11 and for freedom over there. I trust my President and more than that I trust God in him. Something I wasn't able to say for many years before Bush became President. So please pray for our troops.
Please remember them and their families. Please remember the families of those who were lost in 9/11. And please pray for our President and our military whatever your stand is on this war. These men and women are over there for us, but we have a part to play too. I'll post more updates about my cousin i'm sure. He's always on my mind.
[Memories]
Today was one of those great days. one of those days that leaves you on a 'high', that causes you to smile for days...and maybe much longer...at the very thought of it. and it wasn't for any life shattering reasons i might add, it was just great.
I love football...i love my family...and i love my friends as many of you may have picked up on. And today...i got all three in one house! I'm an avid Redskins fan as is my little 'sis' and 2 of the boys...but one...somehow...became.....an Eagles fan!! Eeeek. Today as you may know these two teams played one another. I'm always pulled between being with my fam on game day or with my friends so today we all hung out together. It was the first time some of my friends had met the boys (they're 9 and 14) and my 'sis' came too.
I could bore you with details but will refrain. Basically we just had so much fun and it did weird things to my heart. The memories swirl through my head and i hope, hope hope there will be more days like this one...only better.
I love football...i love my family...and i love my friends as many of you may have picked up on. And today...i got all three in one house! I'm an avid Redskins fan as is my little 'sis' and 2 of the boys...but one...somehow...became.....an Eagles fan!! Eeeek. Today as you may know these two teams played one another. I'm always pulled between being with my fam on game day or with my friends so today we all hung out together. It was the first time some of my friends had met the boys (they're 9 and 14) and my 'sis' came too.
I could bore you with details but will refrain. Basically we just had so much fun and it did weird things to my heart. The memories swirl through my head and i hope, hope hope there will be more days like this one...only better.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
[Odd]
i love to dance. lots of different styles of dance but tonight it was country. i stood in the room filled with many other people and just watched them during one of the dances i didn't know.
As I something pretty weird happened. i saw someone who looked strangely like what i imagine my father would like if he had desired to be even somewhat human. there was a man there, older with gray hair and he had an obvious bad back (all like my father), but he was teaching many of the younger women there to do the dances. nothing to look at really, but there was a kindness about him. kindness isn't something that ever touched my father, nor was it any part of him but in a strange moment that crept up on me tonight i thought that might be what he would have been like, again, if he'd been remotely human. it didn't scare me, or even sadden me really.
i've dealt with the existence of who my father was long ago but i'd never thought to imagine what he'd be like as a 'normal' person. my father never did anything kind for someone else that he didn't benefit from, and totally honestly these acts rarely defined him. he more often chose great lengths to cause pain. i wonder at times if he really realized it, or if he'd become his own worst nightmare and it was a spiral he had no idea how to get out of...or even see the depths of. i do wonder about him from time to time. very few people ask about him, or why i don't have a father, or where he is. it's this strange unspoken thing in my life and i don't know if i created this or if it's the culture. i wouldn't mind being asked, i don't mind sharing. although it defines great pain in my life, it does in fact help one to understand me, and how i've come to be the young woman i am. i've worked hard to deal with the pain, abuse, and emotional bondage and focus instead on the refining it caused me (and still does) as God's daughter. it certainly shaped my loyalty - as i never knew any from my father - it certainly made me sensitive - as my father helped me discover how deep a wound can go - it caused me to always want to show and tell people how much i care - for i was always keenly aware of how little my dad cared - basically it has shaped much of me and i work to shake of the baggage off and keep the life lessons near.
it was an odd experience tonight. sometimes i sit back and wonder what a dad is like. what it's like to have someone you call that familiar name, someone to run to and talk with. i have an uncle who has filled these shoes as best as he can. when asked today by a girlfriend who would one day walk me down the isle it was none other then this uncles face that came into my mind. he has 3 boys and a girl who are for all matters my siblings and he often refers to me and his daughter as 'his girls'. i love the plural sound of that...i'm part of that...i belong there. but all the same, it's not the same. and still i wonder. and tonight as someone a little older and i hope a little wiser i thought back on my childhood and my father and wondered what life would have been like if again, he'd chosen humanity. but he didn't and i don't know the feelings and comforts of a true father. so i looked at this older man on the dance floor tonight and smiled, maybe he's someone's dad. and tonight...he taught me my favorite country dance yet.
As I something pretty weird happened. i saw someone who looked strangely like what i imagine my father would like if he had desired to be even somewhat human. there was a man there, older with gray hair and he had an obvious bad back (all like my father), but he was teaching many of the younger women there to do the dances. nothing to look at really, but there was a kindness about him. kindness isn't something that ever touched my father, nor was it any part of him but in a strange moment that crept up on me tonight i thought that might be what he would have been like, again, if he'd been remotely human. it didn't scare me, or even sadden me really.
i've dealt with the existence of who my father was long ago but i'd never thought to imagine what he'd be like as a 'normal' person. my father never did anything kind for someone else that he didn't benefit from, and totally honestly these acts rarely defined him. he more often chose great lengths to cause pain. i wonder at times if he really realized it, or if he'd become his own worst nightmare and it was a spiral he had no idea how to get out of...or even see the depths of. i do wonder about him from time to time. very few people ask about him, or why i don't have a father, or where he is. it's this strange unspoken thing in my life and i don't know if i created this or if it's the culture. i wouldn't mind being asked, i don't mind sharing. although it defines great pain in my life, it does in fact help one to understand me, and how i've come to be the young woman i am. i've worked hard to deal with the pain, abuse, and emotional bondage and focus instead on the refining it caused me (and still does) as God's daughter. it certainly shaped my loyalty - as i never knew any from my father - it certainly made me sensitive - as my father helped me discover how deep a wound can go - it caused me to always want to show and tell people how much i care - for i was always keenly aware of how little my dad cared - basically it has shaped much of me and i work to shake of the baggage off and keep the life lessons near.
it was an odd experience tonight. sometimes i sit back and wonder what a dad is like. what it's like to have someone you call that familiar name, someone to run to and talk with. i have an uncle who has filled these shoes as best as he can. when asked today by a girlfriend who would one day walk me down the isle it was none other then this uncles face that came into my mind. he has 3 boys and a girl who are for all matters my siblings and he often refers to me and his daughter as 'his girls'. i love the plural sound of that...i'm part of that...i belong there. but all the same, it's not the same. and still i wonder. and tonight as someone a little older and i hope a little wiser i thought back on my childhood and my father and wondered what life would have been like if again, he'd chosen humanity. but he didn't and i don't know the feelings and comforts of a true father. so i looked at this older man on the dance floor tonight and smiled, maybe he's someone's dad. and tonight...he taught me my favorite country dance yet.
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