Slidell:: There are no words to truly convey it

There are no words. I will try but no words can convey the experience we are all having. There are 20 of us here from our church, from mine and my co-leaders ministry mostly, and these people are amazing. I couldn't have hoped or prayed for a better team of people to go with me. We dove right in Monday AM and began construction on a home that has been gutted and is pretty much 2x4s. We have teamed with a contracting company, the owners attend our church and again or ministry, and they are overseeing much of the work. It's amazing to learn all these skills...insulation, dry walling and mudding so far. I've decided i LOVE power tools...staple guns and drills are very sweet.
We've begun meeting the people of these towns and they are simply amazing. They've gone through this horrific, tragic storm and still they smile. They welcome you to their homes, what's left of them, and shower you with love as you work to rebuild a place that holds so many memories for them. Yes, they've lost countless possessions but this place, the people here, are home for them. And we're experiencing community on a whole new level. Northern Virginia is so transient and i've become used to the attitudes that accompany this lifestyle. Being here is a realization that these people have true homes because of the people there, the memories they've made, the towns they love...and they WANT to stay, to rebuild. It's amazing and you can't understand it until you experience it.
It's exhausting work but the blessing of the people here is overwhelming. Not to mention the people here at the church (FBC). They're incredible...going above and beyond to love us and welcome us. I feel like saying...make me sleep on concrete, feed me stale bread, don't let me shower....it's too much all the touches they've added here to make it "easier" on us. Again, THEY are thinking about US...they've lost homes and the normal routine of their lives has completely changed yet, they are focused on us being here. It's too much. One guy who heads up the job sites lost his entire home, all that is left is a slab. I knew his story prior to coming yet he hasn't mentioned it one time...no call for sympathy, he's too busy helping get this community rebuilt. I'm in awe.
We also attended an AM Mardi Gras parade. I took the team to a morning parade to stay away from the bad stuff as much as possible. One misconception is that Mardi Gras is filthy everywhere, and it's not. Yes, sin corrupts things and it has corrupted a lot of Mari Gras but there are parades, and costumes, and fun and so much more to it. It was interesting to see people drinking at 9:30AM!! But beyond that it was a clean parade...and so fun. The people at the church actually insisted we take the morning off to go...they wanted us to see "life" here in LA, they wanted us to see joy, and community, and laughter. They wanted us to focus on something beyond the destruction and chaos and heartache. So we did, and we were so blessed. It was a great fun activity for our team and a Mardi Gras like none other...the people in costumes made out of the "blue roof tarps", levee inspectors, etc. I don't encourage people to participate in Mardi Gras without careful research as to where and when to go...but after doing that ourselves we once again found a community celebrating and determined to move forward after the hurricane.

Slidell:: It Begins

Well, after a 20 hour drive, two stops at Cracker Barrel (in 8 hours), a lot of singing, some hyper moments and a lot of sharing we arrived in Slidell, LA at about 10AM on Sunday morning. We decided to stay as quiet as possible and go to the church (where we were staying) to leave one of our vans and head down to New Orleans to sightsee since we were getting there earlier then planned and their service was going on. Well, that didn't happen seeing as how right off the back we got one of the vans stuck in the mud in the back of the church!! After trying for 30 minutes to get it out, and only managing to dig a huge trench behind both back tires we decided to leave the van there and work on it when we got back...since we'd already made enough noise trying.
There really aren't words to describe what you see in LA as you drive through the towns and on the highways. My first reaction was it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, and i felt guilty for this thought. But then you begin to remember it used to be beautiful, the places that look like slums now were nice developments before and you start to realize what you're seeing. And then as you get deeper into LA you see it truly is just devastation all around. There are signs of rebuilding and life, it has been 6 months since Katrina struck, but the signs of the massive power of that storm are all around. The trees are uprooted and dead all along the side of the road, trash is piled up and strewn all about, blue roofs everywhere...if there is any roof at all, buildings that are too far gone line the streets and highways sitting in shambles, and it goes on and on. The road signs bent in half, the billboards bent over, boats stuck in fields from where the water went back down, and the flood lines mark every structure there...3', 6', 9', 15', 20+'...it's unreal. We drove to New Orleans Sunday and it was a good start to our week as a reminder for why we're there. And although it's overwhelming you have to start somewhere. The impact of what we saw was huge, and it can do nothing else but begin to effect you, change you and your thinking...it's just so powerful.
Oh and the van....we got back and got it out. The church called us while we were in New Orleans once their service let out and Michelle said to me on the phone "so you all are here.........and you left a present for us in the back yard" =) ....oops. But we got it taken care of, got unloaded, got our cots set up, got showered and fed and started meeting the staff.

Slidell:: Time to Leave

I’m leaving for Slidell, LA this afternoon. It’s been in the planning for months and it’s finally here. Oh the joy of spending 20 hours in a van…it has come upon me! But seriously, I’m so ready to be there. I feel like God has been preparing me for this last week to leave here and go. I fear leaving for one main reason, but I have to trust God in that. I need a break, from the drama of life, from the hecticness of NoVa, from the circumstances that have been draining the life from me…I need this trip. It’s weird to say that b/c most would say these people are in need of my time and labor to help them rebuild. And that I will do but I am in great need of something to take all my time and energy off current situations…God’s timing is perfect. I am hopeful I’ll be able to go and main a real difference in the lives of these people, be used by God however He wills and begin/deepen relationship. It’s been a pretty good week leading up to this trip…I’ve gotten quality time with my friends and I must leave the rest in God’s hands. Once I return I’ll do a series of posts on the trip so stay tuned.

[Promised]

Yesterday was a hard day for me, it is every year. It's a day that reminds me of someone i lost who i love very much. And this year is even more painful...

You see, i'm experiencing how very hard it is to watch someone you care for so much for make poor choices and waste their time/energy in such useless, and sometimes harmful activities. I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest some days. I KNOW God will win this battle, i just don't know if i'm gonna make it standing by watching.
Why is it people don't see how what they do effects those around them? It hurts them, scares them, worries them...why don't they get this. Number one our life is no longer our own if we're in Christ, it's His, but we are His body and when something is effecting one part...the rest feels it too. There are days i just don't think i can bear one more thing...
And I get hurt in the process too. The jabs i take for anything i say about the people and places that i see, and God says, are harmful. And i think i honestly just get jealous that these people who don't really love my friend...they don't even know who this friend REALLY is for crying out loud...get so much of their time and energy.

So yesterday was hard b/c this person who i lost made me make a promise that i'll never go back on. And although that promise has kept me from doing things most people my age do, and tolerate or even participate in...i kinda wish they were around to tell people i know "why" it's just not worth it.

[Jumbled]

laughter
memories
joys
tears
it's about the moments shared
yet
it all begins to fade
reality
sets back in
exhaustion
takes over
my mind spins round and round
i can't compete
and i don't really want to
but i'm so scared
my heart shakes in my chest
can you hear me watching
it's a constant weight
and burden i bear
every step
i press on
through the tears
i smile
i hang on
and sometimes am held up
i want to hit the pavement
it calls my name
but i know
i see
i believe
Oh God I believe
help my unbelief

[Iraq3]

Here's another update on my cousin. It's good to read from someone over there. Helps to remember and not just go about our days so ho-hum when our troops are risking their lives half way around the world.

WELL WHAT'S UP AGAIN! I'M GETTING MUCH BETTER AT SENDING AN EMAIL OUT MORE FREQUENTLY IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF. GO AHEAD, GIVE ME CREDIT....SERIOUSLY.......I'M WAITING....
I AM DOING WELL THOUGH, AND PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY HUMOR AS A SIGN I'M GOING NUTS, I AM FAAAR FROM IT, YOU JUST GOTTA FIND THE "BRIGHTER SIDE" AND THE HUMOR IN ALL SITUATIONS NO MATTER WHAT.
NOT MUCH TO REPORT. THERE IS A GROUP ORGANIZED IN IRAQ TO PROTECT THE OIL PIPELINES. THEY ARE KNOWN AS THE OPM
(OIL PROTECTION MINISTRY). IT'S BEEN SAID THEY GUARD THE PIPELINES DURING THE DAY AND PLACE IED'S AT NIGHT. EITHER WAY, THEY ALL CARRY AK47'S AND LIE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW TO PROTECT VALID INSURGENTS WITHIN THEIR RANKS. MY FAVORITE
PAST TIME HAS BECOME VISITING THE OPM HEADQUARTERS.
YESTERDAY THEY HAD LIED TO ME ABOUT WHERE ONE OF THE GUYS WE WERE LOOKING FOR WAS SO WE HAD TO "PRESS IN" AND TRY TO BREAK THEM. THE VERY NEXT DAY WE CAME BACK AND ASKED THEM SOME MORE ABOUT HIM AND THROUGH MY VERY VERY VERY "INTUITIVE NATURE" ASSUMED THEY WERE LYING AGAIN....AND AGAIN SPEANT TIME "PRESSING" THEM TO GIVE US THE INFORMATION I WANTED. OF COURSE, THEY ALL CARRY WEAPONS SO WHEN WE ROLL UP I USALLY WILL RUN THE BRADLEY STRAIGHT INTO THE COURTYARD WALL AND HAVE A BIG GUN LOOKING OVER THE 4 FOOT WALL FOR INTIMADATION IN CASE THEY EVER WANTED TO FIGHT BACK. IT'S GOTTEN HILLARIOUS B/C YOU SHOULD SEE THE NUMBER OF CARS HAULING A$$ OUT OF THE PARKING
LOT WHEN THEY SEE US COME AROUND THE BEND OF THE ROAD...WE'VE BECOME FAMOUS THROUGHOUT MY SQUADRON FOR OUR ENCOURAGEMENT" OF THEIR COOPERATION.
OTHERWISE, THINGS ARE GOING WELL HERE. STARTING TO WARM UP AND I REALLY REALLY AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT...

That's about it. He's so busy and it's unreal to picture him in these scenarios. He's just plugging away trying to complete his missions successfully. Keep praying please.

[Blessed]

I am blessed. I am blessed to work in the environment i do. I am blessed to have people who are willing to smack sense back into me, and love me while the sting they just dealt fades. I am blessed to be spurred on to grow in my walk by these people...although i fall and fall and fall some more still. I am blessed not to have the hard road of opposition in a 'normal' work environment. I am blessed to not have the normal temptations of worldly pursuits in my face everyday. I am blessed to spend 3 hours a week worshipping with my co-workers and studying God's truth. I am blessed that i get to work with people and oh how i love our flock. I am blessed to watch people grow and learn through these cracked pots God has put in front of them. I am blessed God put me here. I am blessed my Savior knows exactly what I need. I am blessed.

But i still struggle. The warfare rages. Distractions, dissensions and frustrations flare. We love each other, but we forget sometimes. We know the truth, but we live lies and hide. We want what's best for each other...God's glory, our good...but we seek our selfish ways instead. Not everyone grows, some people fall and crash, and burst into flames before my eyes. It hurts. My heart aches. I fall at God's feet begging Him for wisdom. I feel the weight of the impact He calls me to have. It's overwhelming. It's hard. It's an upward journey, and it's steep, and the rocks trip us, and the thorns catch us as we trek by, and it gets lonely when others fall behind, or i fall down.

but still i am blessed.

[Loosened]

In our Bible Study last week the guy on the video said something quite interesting - something we all should know but i liked his illustration. He said that alcohol isn't what makes someone do or say what they do (duh), but he said it just "loosens their lips to release what's already in their heart" and I like that wording. I think there are many situations in life that are like that - put a person in certain circumstance and what's really in their heart will come through. Yes, some things are negative - like drinking too much - but sometimes other circumstances can do this to a person. Like if you're just tired, or in certain places or with certain people, and what is in your heart comes out. Yes, it can be bad - but maybe it's just something you're afraid to admit. Being tired can cause you to say thing you try to hide, or being with certain people can cause you to let out thoughts, feelings and actions that you usually are comfortable to do, etc etc.

Lots of things "loosen our lips" or emotions or actions. Sometimes it's not good and it's sin and we need to deal with that. But sometimes it's not and you find yourself saying "whoa, where did that come from!"...it came from your heart, either way...it's a heart thing.

[Rhythm]

i could hear
the beating
of your heart
there was
rythem
in the sound,
you asked
just what
it said,
it's
telling me
secrets
i whispered