Six weeks ago my Uncle Tim met Jesus face to face. He for the first time stood in the presence of our holy Savior, sin free, PAIN FREE and CANCER FREE, and worshipped Him perfectly. Just as death swooped in, waiting while the cancer took over his body for days leading up until that moment, just as it came in with an "ah ha" - Christ had the final word and said "i don't think so" and took him from the grasp of death into the beauty of eternity with Himself. Yes, my Jesus conquered the grave.
My Uncle was a great man, and has left a cavernous hole in many lives. There are moments still where I don't think I can remember how to breathe because I miss him so much....his voice, his laugh, his wisdom & instruction, his hugs. He gave me the only fatherly love i've ever known. I yearn to be held in his arms and hear him say "it's going to be okay baby, i love you". I love feeling safe, and he made me feel safe. Even as I try and type those words, the tears come. I can't believe he's gone sometimes. It will be a long process. But my family is my heart... some of the older grandkids vacationed together in early August - it was the time that most started me back on track and I am so thankful!
Our service was beautiful...from what I remember. There were almost 500 people there, it was so overwhelming... thank you to those who came! We pray that people come to Christ through not only his life, but his death. That God's glory be ultimately displayed. Yes there were tears... to those on either side of me with soaking wet shoulders/ sleeves during the service (yeah, sorry J & R) they remember. His wife & children need MUCH prayer - his parents - his siblings - our whole family has been rocked by this. And more has come. I would love to tell you all more about the service but again, I'll leave that to personal conversations I get to have with you all.
My Uncle's passing has changed our family. I am not the same person...and that is OK. I have gotten my laughter back, and my smile... but tears are a close friend as well now. And I'm so different inside... and learning what it all means. I'm seeking wisdom from older, wiser believers. And even Pastor Mike spoke on this on Sunday (8-26) - death changes you. It changes what you value, it brings new awareness of what matters, and strong determination (if you let it) to make a difference. I saw the things that mattered as my uncle passed into eternity... not just that he was a nice person - but that he stood out from the crowd. THAT is what people remember... that he was DIFFERENT. That he preached Jesus. And you see, you really realize what makes a legacy when you watch someone you love leave theirs. My mom and I have had such wonderful talks throughout this journey...she rocks.
People kept telling me at our service - 'you have his eyes', 'you have his laugh', 'you have his smile'.... but the words i cherished were 'you have his heart '. A heart for God is what he taught me...and although this road is hard, and long, and lonely at times, it is one I will never give up on. I have a God that loves me though I do not deserve it, I am a terrible sinner deserving of God's wrath... yet He gives me abundant grace. And although I do not understand His will... and I do fight with Him still (i can still use your prayers - it is so hard) I call out for grace and He is faithful. Faithful to show me His road, and although it means changes will follow - it is what my Uncle would tell me to do.
It was such a long 10 months. It is still so surreal to think where I was last august, and look at this one. My mind can't handle all the changes. So much came...so fast. But thank you to those of you who supported and encouraged me. THANK YOU for the flowers, cards and calls through these past 8 weeks... my house looked like a florist and as hard as it was to know the reason it did... i felt loved. Thank you for the distractions - dinners, dancing :), bbq's, the kind words, the patience! And we can still use your prayers. The holidays will be painful. For me - worship is my deep place of intimacy with the Lord and I have yet to make it through a service without weeping because now... as I sing out to my Savior I sing knowing my Uncle, this man I love so deeply, is there in the presence of the One I worship...worshipping with me. It takes me to my knees.
If you've made it this far.... I have a way I want to thank you... a very different way but none the less - I want you to listen to a clip from a sermon... (click 'a clip' to go to the page it's on) it is my thank you because I pray for each of you that it is a moment where you are freshly amazed... and that is the greatest gift that there is. I listened to this with my best friend as we painted and we were both rocked by it. Please go listen... it's intense, but give it 6 minutes, you'll want to hear the rest...it's not very long as it's just a portion of the sermon.
So it is a whole new world and believe it or not, this is such a small piece of what's going on... the details of our service, the memories made in the final stages of my uncle's cancer, the changes God is calling me to... I'd love to share more when I see ya'll but won't go there unless you want to ;) Thank you to those of you who, when i do see you, ask how i am doing that day - or what God is teaching me - or those who want to hear more about Uncle Tim, for i love talking about him.
Run HARD after God. LOVE Him with your whole heart. He will never let go
My Uncle was a great man, and has left a cavernous hole in many lives. There are moments still where I don't think I can remember how to breathe because I miss him so much....his voice, his laugh, his wisdom & instruction, his hugs. He gave me the only fatherly love i've ever known. I yearn to be held in his arms and hear him say "it's going to be okay baby, i love you". I love feeling safe, and he made me feel safe. Even as I try and type those words, the tears come. I can't believe he's gone sometimes. It will be a long process. But my family is my heart... some of the older grandkids vacationed together in early August - it was the time that most started me back on track and I am so thankful!
Our service was beautiful...from what I remember. There were almost 500 people there, it was so overwhelming... thank you to those who came! We pray that people come to Christ through not only his life, but his death. That God's glory be ultimately displayed. Yes there were tears... to those on either side of me with soaking wet shoulders/ sleeves during the service (yeah, sorry J & R) they remember. His wife & children need MUCH prayer - his parents - his siblings - our whole family has been rocked by this. And more has come. I would love to tell you all more about the service but again, I'll leave that to personal conversations I get to have with you all.
My Uncle's passing has changed our family. I am not the same person...and that is OK. I have gotten my laughter back, and my smile... but tears are a close friend as well now. And I'm so different inside... and learning what it all means. I'm seeking wisdom from older, wiser believers. And even Pastor Mike spoke on this on Sunday (8-26) - death changes you. It changes what you value, it brings new awareness of what matters, and strong determination (if you let it) to make a difference. I saw the things that mattered as my uncle passed into eternity... not just that he was a nice person - but that he stood out from the crowd. THAT is what people remember... that he was DIFFERENT. That he preached Jesus. And you see, you really realize what makes a legacy when you watch someone you love leave theirs. My mom and I have had such wonderful talks throughout this journey...she rocks.
People kept telling me at our service - 'you have his eyes', 'you have his laugh', 'you have his smile'.... but the words i cherished were 'you have his heart '. A heart for God is what he taught me...and although this road is hard, and long, and lonely at times, it is one I will never give up on. I have a God that loves me though I do not deserve it, I am a terrible sinner deserving of God's wrath... yet He gives me abundant grace. And although I do not understand His will... and I do fight with Him still (i can still use your prayers - it is so hard) I call out for grace and He is faithful. Faithful to show me His road, and although it means changes will follow - it is what my Uncle would tell me to do.
It was such a long 10 months. It is still so surreal to think where I was last august, and look at this one. My mind can't handle all the changes. So much came...so fast. But thank you to those of you who supported and encouraged me. THANK YOU for the flowers, cards and calls through these past 8 weeks... my house looked like a florist and as hard as it was to know the reason it did... i felt loved. Thank you for the distractions - dinners, dancing :), bbq's, the kind words, the patience! And we can still use your prayers. The holidays will be painful. For me - worship is my deep place of intimacy with the Lord and I have yet to make it through a service without weeping because now... as I sing out to my Savior I sing knowing my Uncle, this man I love so deeply, is there in the presence of the One I worship...worshipping with me. It takes me to my knees.
If you've made it this far.... I have a way I want to thank you... a very different way but none the less - I want you to listen to a clip from a sermon... (click 'a clip' to go to the page it's on) it is my thank you because I pray for each of you that it is a moment where you are freshly amazed... and that is the greatest gift that there is. I listened to this with my best friend as we painted and we were both rocked by it. Please go listen... it's intense, but give it 6 minutes, you'll want to hear the rest...it's not very long as it's just a portion of the sermon.
So it is a whole new world and believe it or not, this is such a small piece of what's going on... the details of our service, the memories made in the final stages of my uncle's cancer, the changes God is calling me to... I'd love to share more when I see ya'll but won't go there unless you want to ;) Thank you to those of you who, when i do see you, ask how i am doing that day - or what God is teaching me - or those who want to hear more about Uncle Tim, for i love talking about him.
Run HARD after God. LOVE Him with your whole heart. He will never let go
