[ThroughMyEyes]

Someone recently told me, "I wish I could see the world through your eyes" and then asked "what is it like seeing life as you see it?". The question astounded me at the time but I've pondered it since then. We do all "see" differently... some more unique than others I believe.

[Thanks]

A day of thanks. A day of joy. A day to praise Him for all He has done, continues to do and will do. Life is hard, and it hurts, but He never gives us more that we can handle (by His grace). He fills our days with beauty and joy if only we look to see it. For me, I have a beautiful family and though we are not perfect (duh) we love each other so deeply. When times get tough, we pull together, we back each other up. We have lost but we have gained. A man who touched hundreds of lives we called uncle, son, brother, father, husband and friend. He brought laughter and taught us joy in uncertainty. He taught us so many lessons in living, and then he taught us how to die for His glory. I will never not ache typing or saying those words, I will never not tear up remembering the journey, but I will never forget to be thankful for that man who changed my life and continues to teach me by the legacy he left. We have loved, we have loss and we are thankful. We have two beautiful great-grandbabies that fill our family with joy and laughter. We remember and dream together. We are thankful.

Life ebbs and flows, this is inevitable but how will you choose to see what God gives you? We can not choose the what but we do choose our response. And oh the joy we may miss if we choose to see things in our limited view. But if we call out to Him, if we beg Him for His view we will have peace beyond understanding that He IS working, He IS moving, He DOES have a plan and for THAT we can be eternally grateful. We can choose thankfulness for every circumstancing knowing that if we let it, if we let Him, it will draw us closer to him in sorrow and in joy. What greater gift is there than relationship with the Creator of the Universe? What greater reason to be thankful then the Lord of all as our Father? The Great Designer of this life showers us with blessings in the midst of this broken and fallen world. And this world IS broken, it is NOT as it was meant to be but He is NOT DONE yet... praise Him! We look and are not content with the brokenness?? Well neither is He!! And He will restore it all... and until then, we are restored to Him in a relationship that carries us through every joy, sorrow, celebration and loss.

My family lives this, some days it feels like too much, but everyday we have a choice. What a beautiful day it is to remember to choose thankfulness, to look at all we have been given and thank the One who gives it. Praise Him.

[Moments]

"and these are the moments,

I thank God that I'm alive,

and these are the moments,

I'll remember all my life"

There are beautiful moments in life. The kind of moments you sit and think, "I could stay this way forever". I had one of those moments today. As I sat there, looking around, I was overwhelmed by the blessing of my family. I've been struggling lately but as I reminisced on the weekend I realized there wasn't one single moment (minus sleeping!) that one of the guys in my family wasn't by my side. To catch up, to hug me, to make me laugh, to just be there. And as I sat and reminisced, I was holding the most important little man in my life - Isaac.

We were out for a birthday party for his dad (my cuz) and it was lonnnnng past his naptime - and he was in full meltdown. Nothing was making him content, he was just fussy and exhausted so I scooped him up to see if I could get him to fall asleep - basically a miracle. See, we were in fact at a sports complex, down on the go-kart track! LOL. I'd already been out on the track twice with everyone but was sitting this round out. So I scooped up Isaac and walked away from the crowd. I cuddled him up, and stood in the sun where I hoped he would struggle to keep his eyes open (haha) and as we stood there he laid his sweet little head on my chest and sure enough - was out like a little light. I sat and stared into his precious face, amazed he'd gone out so quickly. Over the next hour i walked and cuddled this precious baby boy in my arms as my cousins, uncle and aunt roamed around playing games and having a blast just hanging out. The air was filled with laughter, eyes lit up with adventures, and my arms filled with the most beautiful blessing - a sleeping child.

And as I looked around I realized... I was in a moment. A moment I would always treasure. People came by and smiled as they saw Isaac all zonked out in my arms, and I just soaked in the feeling that was surging through my heart. I soaked in the moment... and took a bunch of pictures!

It was an incredible weekend. I have an incredible family. I serve an incredible God!!

[confused]

Why are the doors I think the Lord is going to open closing, and the ones I have no interest in opening?? Is this a season? Are the desired doors going to open one day? Does God just want me to be willing to walk through the undesired doors but not ask me to (like Abraham w/ Isaac)? Can you tell I have a few questions? I just don't get it! If you'd asked me at the beginning of September I'd say I was incredibly excited for what was next. I'd have said the potential on the horizon was thrilling! But today, my heart hurts. I wish my Uncle Tim was here with every single fiber of my being... I want to talk to him so badly I can't breathe when I think about it. What are these passions in me for? Where should I be?? Anyone, anyone?

[Friends]

iPhone pics to blogger = poor quality. Sorry peeps.

Special memories to be shared anyway!

Out to dinner with friends for Charlie's birthday.

Need to get the group shot from Katie still!

^trouble^

aka Jarrod and Katie ;0)

^serious about their desserts^

Carolyn and Anthony =)

^the desserts^

^the brudder^

[group shot to come!!]

[Questions]

Sometimes I question the Lord... sometimes I don't get the way He works... sometimes I doubt. I cry out as did the man in the new testament "I believe, help my unbelief!". And I don't think the question is where I get myself in trouble... it's the doubt that crosses the line. We of course as finite people can't possibly understand the ways of an infinite God and we will come to places where we'll cry out to our Dad saying "I don't get it". But I need to learn to rest in His arms, quieted by His still, strong saying, I've got you.

[Back]

It's time to start blogging again. I miss it. People are asking. Life is changing, the journey is progressing and God is moving (as always). It's time to come back. I'll probably fill in some of the gaps from the past few months. Upload some pics and post some thoughts on what God's been doing. I'm excited to write again. I love having this blog to look back on and see moments from the journey - both exciting and tragic. God uses everything, praise Him.

[aMoment]

As I sat here and did my devotions this morning, listening to Alison Krauss, I began to think about my time with the Lord. Today it's been a nice, long, extended time doing my Bible study - but what about those days it's hi and goodbye?

Have you ever looked forward to seeing someone? Perhaps you couldn't sleep the night before, perhaps you spent an extra long time getting ready (trying to look your best), perhaps you ran over the moment you'd see them and talk over and over in your head. And before you know it, the moment has come, then it's gone. It was hi and goodbye. So brief had you blinked you may have missed it. All the anticipation of that moment leading up to it concluded with a fly by "hey, nice to see ya" and you're left with that deep sinking feeling - disappointment. Maybe you weren't even expecting a long conversation but just a moment of "connection". A moment where you felt you connected with them and got a chance to just chat for a few minutes. But now your heart falls, you think of all the things you wanted to say, wanted to ask, but they were gone before you knew it. You wonder why they didn't 'want' to stop and chat with you, why they didn't want to see you and spend a few minutes with you. Instead it was 'hi and goodbye'. Got the picture?

Well, how about our time with the Lord. Do we do hit and run time with Him? "Hey, nice to know You're there, gotta run, peace out." Do we leave Him saying "I had so much to tell you, I wanted to hear from you and talk to you about your day yesterday and what's coming today. I wanted to spend a few minutes with you, tell you how much I care about you and send you along on your day." But all we gave Him was a chapter, or two, of reading and a quick "Dear God, please go before me today, amen." Like He isn't already going to be with us...that's not what it's about...it's about the relationship, the time WITH Him...the connection...listening to His voice and aligning our will to His will, our heart to His heart so we are ready for our day whatever it may hold. Yet after a night of watching over us, waiting for us to wake, bursting with so many things to tell us, we too give him a hi and goodbye. 

[Superbowl 09]

New Years Day

Another fun day out with friends from Starters! This time Carolyn and Kristin are to thank! First it was the PJ Stumble for brunch then on to Kristin's parents house for waffle day - yes, can someone say carb overload! ;) But super fun and more great pics :)

PJ Stumble!!

In front of one of Kristin's parents manyyyy Christmas trees. Such a fun house and yummy waffle day!! :)